Instagram’s Latest Announcement Is Proof That Facebook Controls Us All

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

Watch the Full Interview with Amanda Montell:

Since its debut on February 14, Love Is Blind Season 6 has taken viewers across the globe (yes, the globe—my London-based sister is a devoted watchee) on a journey. We’ve gathered for the proposals, the dismissals, the guffaws, and the cringes alike, collectively sitting on the edge of ours eats wondering: will they or won’t they? And, while there are indeed a myriad of hot takes to unpack from the final three episodes of Season 6, I’ve found my brain clouded by another query: why is Love Is Blind is so damn watchable in the first place?

Reality TV is often dismissed by the masses as a collective evil. A vapid, low-brow, mindless behemoth of capitalistic exploitation with little to offer in the way of social and cultural enrichment. A waste of time; a media outlet designed only for the lowest common denominator of viewership. In fact, reality TV opponents are so vocal that naysayers have even lobbied against the industry as a whole, claiming the long term effects of watching this form of unscripted entertainment are very real and, more importantly, very detrimental.

According to a 2023 Rolling Stones article, “Not only have studies proven [reality TV] affects our mental health, research has also shown a correlation between watching certain programs and an increase in aggression, manipulation, and narcissism in viewers.” Yikes.

Admittedly, it was not long ago that I, too, was in the camp of people who steadfastly maintained a pretentious judgment for all things reality. I just appreciate shows with a bit more... substance, I’d pompously assert at dinner parties to anyone trying to convince me otherwise.

When my dad suffered a life-altering stroke in 2018, however, somehow this catastrophic personal event coincided perfectly with the airing of Arie Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor. Try as I might to look elsewhere, allowing the darkness of my personal life to slip away during these weekly two-hour reality show ventures was the perfectly mindless antidote to all of the stress I was experiencing in my waking hours.

Similarly, that same year, when my husband’s mother was diagnosed with Cancer, my sister-in-law and I began ceremoniously ending each night of caregiving by sitting on the couch with Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Dorinda, and Bethenny, soothing ourselves to sleep with the dulcet sounds of The Real Housewives of New York arguing over bottle number eight of Veuve whilst on girls’ weekend in the“Bezerkshires.”

I can say with confidence: I truly do not think I would have made it through my personal year of hell without the vacuous outlet provided to me by all things reality TV. Since then, I’ve been hooked. After all, nothing like the zeal of a convert.

In 2022, BBC Radio 4 released the podcast Unreal: A Critical History of Reality TV. Now, for anyone living under a rock, it’s pertinent to note that the BBC is a British media conglomerate that is generally considered to be highly reputable. Thus, their content is, of course, consistently credible. Throughout Unreal, a 10-part investigative radio series, the BBC critically examines the irreplaceable role reality TV plays in defining, mirroring, and preserving the social and cultural zeitgeist of a given era. The program presents reality television history chronologically, episodically unpacking the most highly-watched reality TV shows across the last, now, fifty-some years, beginning with 1973’s An American Family—the prolific reality vanguard, widely considered to be the bellwether for this era of media consumption.

Besides being a must-listen, Unreal makes the case that reality television should not be written off simply as fluff. On the contrary, journalists (and hosts) Pandora Sykes and Sirin Kales suggest that reality TV provides, arguably, one of the most astute reflections of a society at a given time. I don’t necessarily disagree. Which brings me back to Love Is Blind—and, more acutely, the fact that almost every single person I know (collectively spanning a myriad of genders, sexualities, races, and ages) has dutifully tuned in to each and every episode of Season 6. Surely there is something more prescient to be gleaned from a show with this much cross-cultural buy-in. A show whose viewership spans, quite literally, all identities.

What is it about LIB that has us all hooked? Yes, there are the scandals (Trevor was in love with someone else! JerAmey was engaged! Kwame and Chelsea are... still together?). Or maybe it’s the backdoor legal cover-ups (according to one knowledgeable TikTok user: the vetting process is nonsense, producers are suing contestants for breaching NDAs, and any engaged participant who fails to make it to the altar has to pay the studio an alleged $50K). Or, further still, perhaps it’s simply the fact that, due to social media, we can all now follow the contestants in real time, peering voyeuristically into their lives as they unabashedly, and simultaneously, air their dirty laundry on national television. The only thing I think we can all agree is not the culprit for committed viewership is Nick and Vanessa Lachey’s gormless double act.

Alternative theories aside, perhaps the real reasoning behind our collective addiction is far more simple. The Occam's razor of it all, if you will. Perhaps we are all hooked simply because we are sitting here, in partial disbelief, wondering: what the heck is love anyway? Are these people—or any people, for that matter—actually able to “fall in love” without knowing what someone looks like? Is it genuinely possible to commit to a lifelong partnership after a mere 38 days of knowing someone? And, if we are indeed to allow ourselves, as viewers, to believe in this process (or, more shrewdly, allow ourselves to suspend our disbelief), how does this potential “reality” inform our own view of love? After watching this season—and, with it, exploring these theories on my own—I venture to argue the show itself could be retitled: Love Is...?

It doesn’t help that Americans are facing an unprecedented era of isolation and solitude. Commonly referred to as the Loneliness Epidemic, studies over the last two years have shown that Americans—of all ages, races, genders, sexualities, and so on—are far more likely to experience feelings of solitude than ever before. Bearing this disturbing reality in mind, it’s hard to look at a show like Love Is Blind without a more critical eye attuned to unearthing what itch this program is scratching for so many viewers in search of love themselves. Is meeting someone blind the answer to our collective cries of loneliness? Hard to say, yes—but, also foolish to disregard completely at this point.

I do not know exactly why we all keep watching LIB, season in and season out. But, if Unreal’s assertion is to be believed, then one must accept that something about this show is indeed capturing the current cultural milieu. Maybe we all are, in fact, watching in search of a mindless outlet to serve as the salve for adulthood’s ever-increasing stressors. Or perhaps we keep tuning in to further inform our own subjective views of love, partnership, and marriage. Whatever the case, the [not so] cult following is real and, I would go so far as to say, deserved.

Lawsuits, scandals, and in-joke Tweets notwithstanding, you bet we will all be tuning for Season 7 when the time comes. But, in the meantime, onto Love Is Blind Sweden. Though the subtitles are a bit of a beast at first, once you get past that minor literary challenge, you’ll be hooked in no time.

We're thrilled to kick off our new Jetset Journeys series, where we turn the best U.S. cities to explore this year into our own personal playgrounds. This is not just a travel guide but a way to spark your creativity and your wanderlust for weekend and week-long travel. Pack your bags , join us here every week, and get jetsetty this summer.

When you think of romantic destinations, you probably envision secluded beach getaways, remote mountain cabins with a roaring fire, or luxurious suites in a historic Parisian hotel. These options definitely qualify as romantic, but the truth is that most of us can’t travel into quite such another world on a regular basis… much less within a two-day timeframe.

Exploring a new city stateside can be uber romantic, if you know what to do with your time. Here are our top five cities for a romantic couple’s getaway closer to home, one that’s sure to be just as exciting and intimate as any dreamy honeymoon-esque destination.

Chicago

A fantastic city for old-fashioned American romance is Chicago. With its sweeping architecture, beautiful parks and lakefront views, this city is not to be underestimated if romance is your goal.

Start your first morning off at a classic brunch destination like Beatrix or The Bongo Room, both of which are sought out weekend after weekend by Chicago couples.

Next, take a stroll along Chicago’s Riverwalk, where you’ll find yourself gazing up at the incredible skyscrapers for which the Chicago School of architecture is known. If you’re really into history and design, the Chicago Architecture River Cruise Tour is not to be missed - you’ll float down the Chicago River (yes, drinks are available), and gaze up at the city from the center of its famous waterways.

Next, check out one of Chicago’s many amazing museums. The Museum Campus, located right along the lakefront, is home to the world-famous Art Institute of Chicago, the Shedd Aquarium, and the Field Museum. Oh, and did we mention the Adler Planetarium, where you can cuddle up and gaze up at the stars together?

For dinner, make a reservation at one of the city’s best restaurants, like world-famous Alinea or celebrity chef Stephanie Izard’s Girl & The Goat.

Finish off your day with a stroll along Navy Pier, where you can kiss atop the Ferris Wheel while taking in breathtaking nighttime views of the city.

Spend your second day touring Chicago’s most interesting neighborhoods on foot. Head to Old Town for gorgeous historic homes and a super-walkable, classic city vibe, or opt for Logan Square if hipsters and arcade bars are more your speed.

San Francisco

San Francisco’s natural landscape and architecture, with its rolling hills and European-feeling streets and architecture, makes it a serious contender for the most beautiful city in the U.S.

Start off your first day with a pastry from Tartine, or grab a meal at a charming cafe like Mama’s on Washington Square. San Francisco’s food and wine scene is truly its own culture, so don’t be surprised if you grab some extra items to-go.

Next, head to the Embarcadero and take in the waterfront views, or hit up the iconic Golden Gate Park for a classic attraction you won’t want to miss. Spots like the Japanese Tea Garden, Conservatory of Flowers, and Stow Lake serve up beauty and romance in heaps.

While you’re on foot, enjoy a picnic in the park. SF is the kind of city where you can easily grab fresh bread, deli meats, gourmet cheeses and snacks from your pick of local artisan markets with superb offerings.

That night, enjoy a romantic dinner at a waterfront restaurant along the Embarcadero, such as the Spanish-inspired Coqueta at Pier 5 or The Franciscan Crab Restaurant at Pier 39 for fresh seafood and stunning views of the Bay.

The next morning, take a walking tour of North Beach, often referred to as San Francisco's Little Italy. Grab brunch at Caffe Trieste and/or drinks at 15 Romolo, then explore the area’s historic streets and many local boutiques.

To cap off your trip, take a romantic sunset cruise on the San Francisco Bay. Sail past iconic landmarks like Alcatraz Island while sipping Champagne and enjoying hors d'oeuvres.

Boston

Boston is arguably the country’s most historic city, and its charming architecture, beautiful streets, and fantastic dining scene are perfect for a couple’s escape.

On your first day in Beantown, start your morning off with breakfast at a charming cafe like Tatte Bakery & Cafe or Thinking Cup. Go for a walk along the Charles River Esplanade, enjoying the scenic views of the river and the Boston skyline.

The Museum of Fine Arts isn’t to be missed, as it houses one of the most comprehensive art collections in the world.

Next, have a romantic lunch at a cozy bistro in the Back Bay neighborhood, such as Deuxave or Mistral. For dinner, enjoy a romantic meal at a waterfront restaurant in the Seaport District or the North End. Legal Harborside boasts delicious fresh seafood in a modern environment, while Ristorante Lucia offers a super romantic aesthetic.

After dinner, take a sunset cruise on Boston Harbor. Relax aboard a sailboat or yacht while taking in the breathtaking views of the city skyline and the harbor lights.

The next day, head to a historic diner like The Paramount or Mike's City Diner for breakfast or brunch. You’ll need sustenance for all the must-do activities in Boston, which include exploring the historic Freedom Trail, starting at Boston Common and ending at the USS Constitution Museum in Charlestown.

Next, enjoy each other’s company and conversion as you stroll through the beautiful Boston Public Garden. Enjoy the lush greenery, colorful flowers, and the iconic Swan Boats on the pond.

For dinner, try a romantic dinner cruise on the Charles River. Enjoy a gourmet meal and live music while cruising along the river and admiring the city lights. After the cruise, take a romantic walk along the historic streets of Beacon Hill. Admire the charming brownstones, gas lanterns, and cobblestone streets as you stroll hand in hand.

New York City

New York City is for lovers and always has been. Start your first day off with a cozy breakfast at the NYC staple Sarabeth’s, which boasts a killer location just south of Central Park. Next, stroll hand in hand through the park as you digest. For bonus romance points, you can even rent a rowboat and paddle around the lake, taking in the urban beauty around you.

Visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art is a great way to spend your afternoon, and you can take in even more of the iconic experience by heading up to the Met’s rooftop garden for stunning views of NYC. Another great place for walking? The High Line, a converted rail line that’s now an elevated park perfect for strolling and taking in the city’s views.

Grab dinner at a romantic spot that boasts some more killer views. Some of your best options include The River Café for waterfront dining or One if by Land, Two if by Sea for a historic atmosphere and plenty of romance.On your second day in town, explore the more creative neighborhoods of NYC. Start your morning off with breakfast at a trendy spot like Jack's Wife Freda or Buvette, then stroll through Greenwich Village, SoHo, or Brooklyn’s Williamsburg, taking time to stop at every cute little boutique that captures your interest.

Austin

Keep Austin weird for sure, but also embrace its youthful energy and fresh, creative environment.

Start your romantic trip to Austin with breakfast at a cozy cafe like Elizabeth Street Café or Paperboy. Then take a stroll around Lady Bird Lake, enjoying the scenic views of downtown Austin and the Colorado River.

That afternoon, take a dip in the Barton Springs Pool, a natural spring-fed pool located in Zilker Park. After you’ve worked up an appetite, enjoy a romantic picnic lunch in the park as you take in the natural scenery.

As far as cuisine is concerned, Austin’s foodie scene is ever growing and expanding. Enjoy a romantic dinner at a restaurant with outdoor seating, such as Uchi or Perla's Seafood & Oyster Bar. Savor delicious cuisine and cocktails while soaking up the ambiance of Austin's vibrant nightlife.

After dinner, take a moonlight stroll along South Congress Avenue. Explore the eclectic shops, street art, and live music venues that make this area so unique.

On your second day in town, have breakfast at a trendy brunch spot like Bouldin Creek Café or Josephine House.

After filling up, explore the vibrant East Austin neighborhood on foot or by bike. Visit local art galleries, boutique shops, and coffee shops.

Next, get out of the city for the afternoon and take a scenic drive to the Texas Hill Country. With a plethora of wineries and or breweries to visit, you won’t regret going just a little bit off the beaten path around Autin. Consider destinations like Duchman Family Winery or Jester King Brewery for a romantic afternoon sampling local wines or craft beers.

Not interested in getting out of town? Stay in Austin and spend the day relaxing together with a couples' massage at a spa like Milk + Honey or Viva Day Spa.

For dinner, indulge in a romantic meal at a cozy restaurant with a farm-to-table menu, such as Lenoir or Olamaie.

Main image: Taryn Elliott

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