Way back when you were an intern, you told yourself that working 80 hours a week for free would someday score you the job of your dreams. Then you told yourself that you didn’t care if you ever had kids — your nieces and nephews would be enough. (Lucky you, that little lie never really caught up with you.) You’re kind of a pro at lying to yourself, and now that you’re a mom, you’re still into it. Whether you think of them as untruths, mental bribes to keep you engaged, or mommy’s sayings that are absolutely, positively, entirely necessary to get you through your day, it’s hard to deny that a little bit of self-deception totally comes in handy. Here are 10 little lies that do just that.
1. I can exist on two hours of sleep. You tell yourself that you stocked up on enough sleep during your pre-baby life. You slept in ‘til noon every weekend in college, and you had lazy 11am wakeups on Sundays after you were married. And now you’re saying, “Nope. I don’t need to rest. Ever.”
2. They’ll grow out of it. The mayonnaise-and-peanut-butter sandwich craving your toddler has every three hours seems… um, gross. So you assume it’s a phase. At least, that’s what you tell yourself. Jump to your then-toddler’s now-teen years, and they’re still eating those PB and mayo concoctions.
3. My messy bun is an intentional hairstyle. Some model who now looks young enough to be your daughter is sporting an elegant messy bun on IG. And so are you! Kind of. So yours is more of a, “I haven’t washed my hair in six days, and can’t find the brush, but my two-year-old keeps pulling my hair out, so I have to bun it up with this MacGyver-ish contraption made from a trash bag twist tie and embroidery floss” look.
4. Showers aren’t necessary. We get it. You haven’t taken a real shower in two weeks. Jumping in and jumping out just don’t count. Don’t worry: Someday the lies will be over, and you’ll get as much time as you need to savor the glorious water.
5. Pizza sauce counts as a veggie. It’s made from tomatoes, and that means it counts. Sure, it’s sandwiched in between a greasy mess of cheese and carb-y dough. But it’s better than a dinner of chocolate chip cookies and cheese whiz, right?
6. I’m not taking this picture just for social media. Your kiddos are at the petting zoo, and they are adorably feeding a pint-sized piggy with a bottle. You want to catch this memory… and you also want to show it off. Hey, that’s okay! Your kids are completely cute. There’s no harm in letting everyone know.
7. I didn’t just use candy as a bribe. Yes, you did. You totally know you did. You don’t need to admit it… but you did it. And the kids actually did what you were asking them to do. Yay!
8. I’m going to keep every finger painting, diorama, modeling clay masterpiece, and crayon scribble. Ah, the best intentions. That’s what you have here. But your house just can’t hold the mounds of artwork that you want it to.
9. That kids’ cartoon movie is totally funny in an offbeat adult kind of way. No. No, it’s not. You can tell yourself that it is. And you can tell yourself that you’re watching it by choice. But when it comes down to it, you’d much rather watch Ryan Gosling in… just about anything other than a cartoon princess singing about love. But go ahead and tell yourself whatever you need to get you through watching the same kids’ film fest. At least, until the little one goes to bed and you can Netflix to your heart’s content.
10. I will never, ever judge another mom. This is a big one. It’s something that you absolutely know you should never do. It’s something that you might not ever even say out loud. But at some point in your parenting life, you will make a snap judgment. The important thing here is what happens next: Instead of gossiping or outright mom-shaming, look inward and figure out what’s going on. Or give that other woman a break; all moms have good and bad days… even you.
What’s the biggest lie you tell yourself about being a mom? Share yours and tweet us @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)