4 Ways to Deal If You Hate Your BFF’s S.O.
So your bestie met someone. Yay! Whether you’re the coordinate your outfits ala Tina Fey and Amy Poehler types or the reading BFF books together sort, you probably know just how important the BFF and S.O. relationship dynamic is. But what if hanging out with their new boo isn’t going as smoothly as you thought it would be? Maybe you find their habits annoying, or just think your friend can do way better. After all, you only want the absolute best for them, and anything less won’t quite cut it. Unfortunately, it’s not really up to you to decide who your BFF dates. In the majority of cases, there’s not a whole lot you can (read: should) do, although there are a few situations in which it’s okay to put your foot down. We chatted with Wendy L. Patrick, PhD and author of Red Flags: How to Spot Frenemies, Underminers and Ruthless People, to find out when you should share your opinion with your bestie.
1. Figure out why you don’t like the new guy or girl. Okay, so you’re not down with the new boo. But why? Before you take any action, you’ve got to make sure you’re not feelin’ them for the right reasons. “Consider whether your dislike of the S.O. stems from your discontent over the loss of the time your best friend used to spend with you,” suggests Wendy. It’s totally reasonable to miss your bestie, but, “Resenting the relationship because you’re envious that you don’t have more time with them is not a valid reason.” On the other hand, “Expressing your feelings out of concern for your friend’s safety, whether physical or emotional (or both), is always a valid reason to speak up.”
2. Weigh how important it is to say something. Just because you don’t love your bestie’s new beau doesn’t mean you have to say something. In fact, there might be times when it’s better not to say anything at all. If you don’t like the S.O.’s taste in movies, fashion or you simply find them annoying, it’s best to keep quiet and hope it blows over. Try to focus on setting aside specific times to hang out with your BFF alone, away from their new partner, so you can still spend some quality time together. However, if you think the new boo has a pattern of putting down your friend, it might be time to speak up.
3. Consider how much longer the new S.O. is going to be around. Wendy notes that “Your decision about whether or not to speak up depends in part on the projected longevity of the relationship.” As in, if you don’t think they’re going to go the distance, it might not be worth saying anything at all. “You might choose to skip the drama if the pairing appears to be a case of superficial, summer, social fun,” she says. “However, if the two are looking long-term or headed to the altar, you owe it to your best friend to be honest.“ Again, only if you have something serious to say. You definitely don’t want to be criticizing the groom’s bad celeb impressions a few days before they take their vows.
4. Proceed with caution. If you’re going to go for it, approach the conversation in a calm, non-aggressive way. Remember that this is their love life, not yours. “Ease in with questions,” Wendy recommends. “We love talking about our significant others. So you might slide into the topic with softball questions, perhaps raising issues that cause you concern in order to explore their feelings and gauge how they are going to respond to your critique. Who knows — you might discover that they share some of the same concerns about their partner that you do.”
If you do choose to say something, make sure you consider what your friend might be feeling in that moment. “Remember that your best friend is wearing rose-colored glasses, and you’re wearing reading glasses,” says Wendy. As an outside party, it’s very possible that you see the situation more clearly than they do. Ideally, “They will thank you in the long run for providing input through a lens of objectivity.”
Have you ever told a friend you weren’t into their S.O.? Was it a mistake or did it pay off? Tell us about it @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)
Getting the word out about your brand takes time, drive, and ingenuity. And it doesn't come easy for many entrepreneurs. As part of our collaboration with Office Depot, we're chatting with Selfmade alum Taylor Morgan McPherson, founder of Sustainable Sparkle Bar, about ways in which she scored press as a solo startup brand and what she learned from Selfmade to take her brand marketing up a notch.
B + C: How did you know Sustainable Sparkle Bar was your business to start?
Glitter has always been my thing, so when I started my event company I decided to make it my niche. I started telling people I threw glitter-themed parties where people would get sparkled with glitter body art and makeup. Six months after that I applied to my first festival and to work with SUR restaurant in West Hollywood.
B + C: What's one strategy that's helped you start your business?
I honestly can't say that I've had a specific strategy that I've followed when it comes to getting my business off the ground. I have a PR background so I was just constantly pitching new business and posting on social media.
B + C: What's the biggest challenge you face as a small business owner?
I would say creating a stable income and revenue stream. With a seasonal, event-based business it can be very up and down.
B + C: What was your most valuable takeaway from Selfmade?
The relationships I made and the push to start an email database.
B + C: How do you stay motivated?
I love what I do and I believe in myself 100%. Staying motivated isn't the hard part. Pushing myself to do the work and staying accountable is the hard part.
B + C: What's your best organizational tip? Do you use any apps that help you manage your business?
I keep multiple to-do lists, hand-written and digital. I also tell clients and partners that I will have something to them by a certain time or day so I have to stick to it.
B + C: What's one piece of advice you would give to female entrepreneurs on the brink of starting?
Just do it, take the leap. And don't worry about what anyone else says to thinks.
B + C: Who inspires you in the entrepreneurial space?
Issa Rae, I'm so inspired by everything that she's created being a creative and a black woman. It's my dream to have my own show one day based on my life and where I give advice and talk about the world. She's doing it and making people laugh and giving people joy. And it's based in LA. Watching Insecure only further cemented my dreams of wanting to live in LA.
B + C: How did you hear about the Office Depot scholarship?
One of my friends that I met through Camp No Counselors saw an IG ad for it and nominated me.
B + C: What has receiving the scholarship to Selfmade done to help you start/grow your business?
It's completely helped me level up and take my business to another level. Selfmade helped me host my first virtual event and taught me how to set up my website to sell tickets to events and get RSVPs.
B + C: How have Office Depot services or products helped you accomplish more in your business?
I got new cards to send in all of my orders with my discount code on them. I also bought a really cool 4K camera that I now use for my social media.
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