5 Things to Know Before Graduating College

Don’t Wait for Perfection. In the first month of launch, Kelly’s goal was to post three times a day. “I was really trying to focus on getting as much out there at first, but then also being able to get that information to see what worked with people,” she recalls. That market research allowed her to build an audience, learn what her audience craved, and focus on the wins. “It was very intense at the beginning, and then I eased back. I'm like, ‘Okay, let me breathe, because it was not sustainable at all.’”

Refine and Strategize. To avoid burnout, she slowed her pace and stepped back to focus on the bigger picture. “I didn't pressure myself once I was on solid ground. I decided to focus more on refining the content, making it for the fun of it, and focusing on the strategy part.” Step back and analyze your learnings and decide how you want to move forward and grow.

Invest in Your Growth. Kelly joined a business accelerator for underrepresented creators in the middle of her journey that proved to be a smart strategic move. “I feel like that changed the whole course of where I am now, because once I was able to get support from them and talk to people directly after the program, that's when I got my biggest brand deal.”

Be Brave. “For me, it was recognizing that the fear was always going to be there,” says Kelly. “If you want to live a creative life, you're going to have to do something that's scary, and it's probably going to require steps that you don't want to take. For me, being on camera was very scary.” Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to take on moves that push your boundaries and help you develop new skills. Remember that being brave doesn't mean being fearless. It means acknowledging your fears but choosing to move forward despite them!

Photos: Courtesy of Kelly Marcelo

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Is a career coach really worth it?

I believe everyone needs and deserves a career coach.

We spend 1/3 of our lives at work — sometimes more — and usually don’t have formal guidance on how to navigate our transitions and limiting beliefs throughout.

I'm often asked about the difference between a therapist and a coach, and how to choose between them. My simplest answer is that therapists focus on how your past has influenced your current situation, while coaches guide you from the present to where you want to be in the future.

Here’s a non-exhaustive cheat sheet to know if a career coach is right for you:

• You’re unhappy with your current job but have no idea what you would do next.
• You're navigating limiting beliefs in your current role that are holding you back.
• You struggle to accomplish goals that you care about.
• You are navigating a challenging situation with a coworker.
• You want to develop yourself as a leader, either in your own company or within your organization.
• You want to discover your purpose to make the most of your time on this planet.

What should you expect from a career coach?

I remember my coach telling me early on that a leader is anyone who can share a vision of the future that’s so inspiring, someone wants to follow them there. With this definition I see us all as leaders — whether in the traditional, professional sense or simply in leading our own lives and being in relationships with others.

While I can't predict what every career coach can offer, here are the 10 lessons that completely changed the way I lead, plus 10 questions you can use to reflect and integrate these lessons into your daily life:

These lessons will help you:

• Be the leader of your own life journey
• Lead with care and clarity
• Make genuine connections
• Realize that becoming a leader is a fast track to personal growth

1. Trust is built in a context of care

Whether it’s with people you work with, or in your personal life, make what you care about known — needs, wants, desires, values. You can’t expect someone else to know them if you don’t clearly communicate them. And, make sure you make it known that you want to know theirs, too.

2. Riots start in the stands

There are 2 types of people: the people on the field, and the people in the stands. Find the people who want to be on the field with you. Rolling up their sleeves and doing the work — this might be at work in the trenches of your start up or in a romantic relationship. You won’t get far if you’re on the field alone surrounded by people in the stands.

3. We live in a mirroring reality

Our external reality is a projection of our inner reality. When we offer kindness and compassion, we receive kindness and compassion. When we offer criticism or judgment, we receive that, too.

4. Curiosity is the emergency break to judgment

If your “mood elevator” is falling, curiosity is the fast track to lift it. In these moments, you can say something like: I notice I’m being judgmental, I wonder what that’s about? Then start to list things that have come up for you that you’re reacting to. Maybe you spent a little too much time on social media, or a colleague cut you off while you were talking and suddenly you’re in a reactive state. This is human. Use curiosity to get back on track.

5. Clarity is kindness.

Being clear and direct with others is a way to show respect and consideration. Ambiguity can create stress and uncertainty, but when we are clear we give others a sense of stability. This is a form of kindness. And if you feel unclear, communicate that and see where it goes.

6. Being someone’s fan is > anything else.

Sadly, we live in a culture where people get more attention for spewing their criticism at each other publicly than when we lift each other up. Seeing people tear each other down, whether it’s on social media, in relationships, or during meetings breaks my heart. Especially, when I’ve seen without fail, the positive impact offering admiration and support has on someone’s confidence and overall growth.

While I don’t blame people for the system that has normalized this behavior, I urge us all to do what we can to break free from it and do the inner work to heal our insecurities and fears, and celebrate each other’s unique gifts.

7. You can’t work harder for someone than they can for themselves.

“Help 49%” is something a mentor said to me a long time ago. As a leader, I’ve learned this time and time again. You can’t want something for someone that they don’t intrinsically want for themselves.

This applies to every type of relationship we have, both professionally and personally. You can’t help someone until they decided that growth is their priority. It’s up to you if you want to stick around patiently during that time or move on.

8. Love is allowing the other person — and yourself — to be whole.

This one really is about accepting and seeing people for who they are, not what we want them to be. As a leader, I try to see each person I work with as a whole, unique being and accept them fully as that person. Which means it’s my job to make sure I am not projecting onto them the person I want them to be as they grow.

The root of this wisdom lies in attachment theory, and while this line of thinking is usually strictly applied to romantic relationships, I think it’s useful for all relation aspects of our lives.

9. If you need to win every fight, then you’ll be surrounded by people who are always defeated.

I often say the only competition anyone should be in is with themselves. The ego trap I’ve seen many people fall into, when choosing a romantic partner or building out their team, is subconsciously choosing people they can feel important or powerful around versus challenged by.

10. People need to be pointed to their own resiliency.

It’s fascinating to me how easily people forget their own capacity and strength. We have and continue to overcome a great deal as humans in this lifetime.

Literary References In The Tortured Poets Department

Down Bad — "Did You Take All My Old Clothes, Just To Leave Me Here, Naked And Alone"

While "Down Bad" feels like a reference to aliens, it's also reminding us of the story of Adam and Eve, who were left naked in the Garden of Eden after eating the Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The "experiments" Taylor Swift references in the first verse (plus the "Fortnight" music video) are also giving Mary Shelley/Frankenstein!

So Long, London — "You Left Me At The House By The Heath"

Hampstead Heath is a beautiful area of London that reportedly inspired C.S. Lewis to write The Chronicles of Narnia in the late 30s and early 40s. As Narnia's self-proclaimed biggest fan, I'm totally claiming this indirect literary reference, especially since the Pevensies have to stay at the Professor's house when they're evacuated from London.

I Hate It Here — "I Hate It Here So I Will Go To Secret Gardens In My Mind People Need A Key To Get To"

This Taylor Swift song is all about wishing she was somewhere else during an early period of her life, and referencing The Secret Garden makes total sense. In the book, lead character Mary has to access the Secret Garden to discover the hope, joy, and healing she's lost.

thanK you aIMee — "I Pushed Each Boulder Up The Hill"

This seems to be another Greek mythology reference, this time to Sisyphus. He was forced by the gods to roll a boulder up a hill — and then do it again when it rolled back down. Considering this song seems to reference Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, and the drama that led to Reputation, it feels like a reference to the feud that rears its head over and over again.

Cassandra — "So They Killed Cassandra First Cause She Feared The Worst And Tried To Tell The Town"

In Greek mythology, Cassandra (whose name means "she who entangles men," FYI) was a beautiful woman, and princess of Troy. The god Apollo falls in love with her, and gives her the power of prophecy — that is, until she rejects him and he turns the gift into a curse where no one believes her anymore.

The Bolter — "She Fell Through The Ice, Then Came Out Alive"

This is another indirect literary reference I'm claiming that totally reminds me of Amy March from Little Women. Amy falls through the ice when the March sisters are all children living in Massachusetts. Fans have historically hated her character, which is tied to the "A curious child, ever reviled // By everyone except her own father" lyric.

Movie References In Taylor Swift's New Album

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys — "I Felt More When We Played Pretend Than With All The Kens"

The internet has claimed Taylor Swift as the real-world version of Barbie, and after last year's blockbuster hit (and Taylor referencing Ken in "Hits Different") we get another nod to our favorite doll. Plus, this song reminds me of Syd from Toy Story destroying his toys, and "he was my best friend down at the sandlot" got me thinking about The Sandlot. So many movie references, so little time!

Guilty As Sin? — "How Can I Be Guilty As Sin?"

Taylor Swift wrote "Carolina" for the book-to-movie adaptation of Where The Crawdads Sing. In "Carolina," she sings that Kya's community has "said that I was guilty as sin and sleep in a liar’s bed.”

More Pop Culture References

• The Tortured Poets Department — Taylor Swift mentions poet & writer Dylan Thomas, singer-songwriter & poet Patti Smith, and American singer Charlie Puth, boygenius singer Lucy Dacus, producer Jack Antonoff.
• But Daddy I Love Him — This is a line in both The Little Mermaid and The Notebook.
• Florida!!! — Florence Welch is featured on this song, which mentions a hurricane. Florence + The Machine has a song titled "Hurricane Love."
• Guilty As Sin? — Taylor also references "The Downtown Lights" by The Blue Nile, as well as the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus in The Bible.
• Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me — Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf revolves around a bitter and aging couple who weaponize the youth of their guests against one another.
• loml — "The coward claimed he was a lion" is a reference to The Wizard of Oz, while "Mr. Steal Your Girl" is a Trey Songz track.
• I Can Do It With A Broken Heart — This whole song is about Taylor Swift's Eras Tour.
• The Alchemy + The Prophecy — In Taylor Swift's TIME interview, she references Harry Potter, which has huge themes around alchemy and prophecies.
• Clara Bow — This song references Clara Bow, Stevie Nicks, and Taylor herself!
• So High School — Taylor Swift Mentions video game Grand Theft Auto, Artistotle, and American Pie. She also mentions games like Kiss Marry Kill, Truth or Dare, and Spin the Bottle