I scream, you scream, we *all* scream for… relief from the burden of social pressures, being overworked and under-appreciated, not taking time for ourselves — the list goes on! When we feel gross about life and our prevailing perils, it’s important to stop, reevaluate and take a serious breather. And by breather, we of course mean inhaling your favorite ice cream, because rage yoga doesn’t always cut it. The next time you burrow your tongue into your favorite frozen treat and contemplate how to cope, consider this ice cream personality guide as a reminder of who you truly are and where you stand. I mean, we are supposed to take ice cream seriously, right?


1. Vanilla: “Because I’m boring like that,” says every person who opts for vanilla ice cream. But come on; let’s give you some credit. You like things simple and straighforward. You aren’t a fan of unnecessary change, and if it ain’t broke, why the heck should you fix it? Plus, if you do get the urge to be fancy, there’s always French vanilla or Vanilla bean. That’s all the luxury you need.


2. Chocolate: True lovers of chocolate are *devoted* lovers of chocolate, so you’re about as loyal as they come (albeit a little flirtatious). You can be a bit theatrical, but your wit and charm score the hearts of many. All of this, in addition to your appreciation for intensity and richness in life, means you’re a total romantic.

Butterscotch Ripple

3. Butterscotch Ripple: Butterscotch is a true classic that has been buried by an influx of newer flavors over the last few decades. If butterscotch remains your fave, you’re probably an old soul who finds joy in life’s simplest moments, or… fine. We’ll just say it. If butterscotch is your favorite, you’re probably retired and have a Werther’s Original in your pocket right now.


4. Strawberry: Despite being a bit of a wallflower, you have an effervescent spirit, and everyone needs a friend like you to keep them balanced. You’re well rooted and family oriented, and you try to see the good in everyone. Even if you’re living in a big city, you possess the modest characteristics of small-town folk.


5. Coffee: You are a total whirlwind… of success! You’re tenacious and your ambition leads you to great victory. You’re basically the poster child for #goals, and nothing holds you back in life. If you could syphon some of that energy and momentum into the rest of us, that would be great, ­thanks!


6. Pistachio: You ache for travel,­ but not the kind of travel that involves islands, fruity drinks and a sunburn. You want to feed your mind and soul. You long to drift through an olive orchard in Tuscany, and you dream about nibbling on Camembert before strolling around the Musée d’Orsay.

choco chip cookie dough

7. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: You’re about as chill as your ice cream. You don’t get worked up over nothing, and you’re content just rolling with the punches. Because of this, you’re not afraid of a little (or a lot of) indulgence, and why should you be? A handful of cookie dough never hurt anyone… right?

cookies n cream

8. Cookies ’n’ Cream: Milk and cookies, huh? You know how to be an adult, but you’re a total kid at heart. You might even still thumb through comic books and play video games with no pants on. (That’s acceptable, right?) Despite all your successes in life, you refuse to give up your true self, and that should be celebrated. Preferably with cookies smashed into ice cream.

black cherry

9. Black Cherry: You’re a profound individual with an amazing sense of self. You’re honest, waste no time on judgment and know how to enrich your life with the most basic means. Sometimes you dream about backpacking abroad; other times you dream about settling into the countryside and growing your own produce.

mint choco chip

10. Mint Chocolate Chip: You are blunt and have zero tolerance for nonsense. You know what you want in life and you aren’t going to settle for less ­— the proof is in the cone! Those who dig mint chocolate chip ice cream are pretty serious about it. The ice cream must be minty green in color, and the chocolate chips must never be replaced with chocolate ripples. Be real, or get out.

pralines and cream

11. Pralines and Cream: You’re one of the easiest people to get along with. You’re affable and thoughtful, and you’re willing to go the extra mile for those you care about, with no expectations in return. With all that considered, you’re obviously pretty great to spend time with,­ especially for those of your friends who are a little on the anxious side. Thankfully, your presence is soothing.

choco pb

12. Chocolate Peanut Butter: You’re strong, courageous and well­ respected, and in many situations you’re the one holding everything (and everyone) together. Much like lovers of mint chocolate chip, you won’t settle for anything less than what you’re after, especially where ice cream is involved. You want a rich chocolate base with a thick ribbon of peanut butter — keep those dinky peanut butter cups out of it!

green tea

13. Green Tea: You thrive on experiencing new things. You don’t jump on trends because it’s the cool thing to do; you jump on trends because it’s a new and exciting adventure. #YOLO, amirite? You’ve tried yoga, you’ve gone to a sip-and-paint class, you French press your coffee and you’re probably baking your way through the Momofuku Milk Bar book right now. You just keep doing you.

tiger tail

14. Tiger Tail: You’re the heckler at sporting events, and sarcasm is your middle name. Though sometimes a bit rambunctious and (playfully) cocky, you’re a solid friend once people get to know you. Your pals can depend on you for pretty much anything, anytime. You’re a big personality with an even bigger heart… but we’ll keep that last part on the down-­low.


15. Neapolitan: You are indecisive AF, but hey, it happens. In a world full of options, decisions are hard. You’re that same individual who can never decide on a restaurant, which shirt to buy or what drink to order at the bar. Thus, an affinity for the win-win-win trifecta that is Neapolitan ice cream.

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