4 Ways to Fight Temptation + Use It to Actually Improve Your Relationship
The beginning of fall is around the corner. That means new fall wardrobe pieces, the return of football and chilly nights that make a great case study as to why touch makes relationships better. And although touch and attraction can be great if you’re coupled up or single, they can also be a source of major temptation for people in committed relationships (we mean, who hasn’t had a major work crush?). “It’s human to be attracted to others. What matters is what we do with that attraction. Having the impulse is okay — acting on it is not,” says Alyce Pilgrim, a mindset coach. When temptation strikes, she suggests four ways to keep your wandering eyes at bay.
We’re all going to check out that hottie walking down the street or flirt a little bit with our cute coworker. And that’s totally okay, as Alyce makes a very important distinction between attraction and love. Since being attracted to other people is normal (whether you’re in a relationship or not), simply looking at other people is not unfaithful to your relationship. “Temptation doesn’t mean that you love the person you’re with any less,” she says. “You can be attracted to someone and still very much love your partner. Love and sexual attraction are two different emotions, and it’s very much possible to experience these two unique feelings for two different people at the same time.” Even though sometimes those two feelings can feel really hard to manage, knowing that it’s okay — and definitely possible to feel both at the same time — is a relief.
If your temptations seem surface level — checking out a cute barista, for example — you should be (morally) in the clear. However, if you feel like these temptations might lead you to cheat on your S.O. emotionally or physically, Alyce has four tips to make sure you don’t do anything you might regret.
4 WAYS TO STAY TRUE TO YOUR BOO
1. Set boundaries. All relationships are different and are founded on different expectations (even open relationships run the gamut). Depending on the ground rules you’ve set with your partner, blurring the lines might or might not be okay. However, Alyce has a rule that can apply no matter the situation: “Avoid crossing any line if you know it could hurt your partner,” she says. Depending on your relationship, that could mean texting or it could mean actually kissing someone.
2. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. The most important thing to consider if you’re in a tempting situation is what you stand to lose if you give in. For example, if an attractive guy approaches you at the bar, think about your current S.O. before accepting his invitation to dance if you think that may lead to you crossing a line.
3. Look at the big picture. While something might feel tempting in the moment, consider the outcome of your actions — both for you and the people you love. A great way to do this is to think about your long-term goals. If your goal is to stay in a solid relationship, it might be best to avert your eyes from that cutie at the gym.
4. Don’t torture yourself. Temptation and attraction are completely normal and, to a certain extent, inevitable. However, some circumstances are more threatening than others, so don’t put yourself in them (if you can help it). You can’t avoid bumping into an attractive stranger, but you can avoid a coffee date with a coworker you can’t help but flirt with.
It’s human to feel bad for having eyes for anyone other than your S.O. — but before you feel guilty for flirting with a friend you met on a business trip, know that temptation can actually *improve* the relationship you’re already in. “Use temptation to fuel your own relationship,” Alyce suggests. “Use it to create a discussion where you and your partner share what you find attractive. Who knows where it might lead. If you can both leave judgment and insecurity at the door, it will lead to a deeper connection and understanding of one another,” she says.
Have any tips for overcoming temptation? Let us know @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)
Pocket doors are so delightful in and of themselves. They appear when you need them, get tucked away when you don't, and make it easy to define rooms while keeping an open floor plan. Add to the pocket door a joyful patterned wallpaper surprise, and you will be sent right into fits of visual jubilation! Or something ;) Today we're sharing two simple and impactful pocket door makeovers that zhuzh up your space in a jiffy.
Anjelika Temple here, co-founder of Brit + Co and proud owner of several pocket doors! When I moved into my first real grown-up house a couple years ago, I knew I wanted to incorporate wallpaper so reached out to our friends at Chasing Paper to see how we might collaborate. It felt like a total lightbulb moment when I realized I could create a surprise pop of pattern on a couple sets of pocket doors.
Not only is it a whimsical way to bring color into a space, but the doors double as picture-perfect backdrops for all your SFH (selfies from home, obvs).
A few pro tips about install:
- Removable wallpaper is miraculously forgiving! You can take it on and off multiple times without it losing integrity (or mucking up your surface).
- I ordered this adhesive wallpaper installation kit with a squeegee and xacto knife and it worked super well. I also recommend a sharp pair of scissors for cutting longer lines.
- This is a two-person job! Get a friend, put on a playlist, and get ready to bond.
- Wild, organic patterns like Tally are great because it's challenging to spot any imperfections in pattern alignment; keep pattern choice in mind if you've got a lot of corners to match up. More geometric patterns and larger shapes leave less room for error (but are awesome in their own right!).
BATHROOM POCKET DOORS
In our primary bathroom, we chose the wallpaper pattern Tally, designed by Kelly Ventura, in White and Navy. In our space, the navy reads as a soft black, which is perfect for the space. It's easy to combine an ever-rotating collection of linens with the Tally pattern.
I love how the white trim becomes the perfect frame around this pocket door piece of art.
My favorite moment in this space is the fact that you actually get a third pop of pattern thanks to our serendipitously placed mirror!
And yes, this one works pretty darn well as a backdrop too ;)
LIVING ROOM DOUBLE DOORS
This set of doors is definitely a focal point of our home. It separates our living room from our primary bedroom which opens onto our backyard. The doors are pretty much always open, but when they're closed we wanted to evoke a fun, nature-inspired vibe. With that in mind, we selected the Lines and Moons pattern by Thimblepress in Green and Brown.
Earth mama vibes up in here! I love how the shapes and colors echo the ferns you see through the windows and the acorn wood details throughout the house.
Love this pattern moment, and xacto-ing out the door handle is def on the oddly satisfying DIY list.
For a pattern lover like me, I love that now I have this instant photo backdrop!
Thanks to Chasing Paper for providing these rolls of pure pattern amazingness. Head to chasingpaper.com to find our own favorites and start adding patterns to your home!
(Wallpaper wingwoman: Kayla Haykin; Photography: Kurt Andre)