7 Causes of Burnout + Pro Tips for Saying *No*

setting boundaries is self care

There's no doubt the pandemic has taken a toll on our mental health. A recent study by Mental Health America found that 75% of American workers experienced burnout in 2020, and we're still in it for the foreseeable future. We spoke with Rachel Todd, founder of the coaching service, Return To Flow, about the causes of burnout, how to prevent them, and ways to set boundaries and create more time for YOU.

"When you say 'yes' to everything, it's easy to lose sight of what you need and deserve," says Todd, a former Wall Street consultant who developed an autoimmune disorder from pushing herself too hard. She now helps clients reframe and personalize their own definition of success. "It also leaves you completely depleted, because you simply are not able to do it all. Setting boundaries with other people and learning how to say 'no' frees up space to focus on the work tasks that are most important and most aligned to your skill set, make time for self care, and ultimately avoid exhaustion and burnout."

The Signs of Burnout

Do you find it difficult to set boundaries and say "no"? Many women do, for fear of disappointing people or the belief that saying "yes" will make others accept us, says Todd. Here are the seven main causes of burnout, based on your work personality. Read on for ways to avoid it and set aside more time for self-care.

1. Overachiever

  • Cause: you're chasing the product (i.e. promotion or pay raise) rather than enjoying the process.
  • Symptoms:
    • Craves praise for achievements
    • Feeling guilty if not working on something / always chasing after something with no end in sight
    • Distorted and unrealistic expectations of yourself and others (i.e. judges a "healthy" schedule as unambitious or lazy)

2. Taskmaster

  • Cause: you focus too much on doing instead of being.
  • Symptoms:
    • Judging yourself for not working hard enough
    • Believe that the harder you push, the more likely you are to succeed
    • Intense focus on discipline

3. Perfectionist

  • Cause: you believe that anything less than "perfect" is a failure.
  • Symptoms:
    • Don't allow yourself any mistakes
    • Have trouble completing a project because you think there is always something more you can do to make it better
    • All or nothing mentality (e.g. either successful or not, no grey area)
    • Honing in on imperfections

4. Controller / Micro Manager

  • Cause: you hold a lack of trust in anyone but yourself and difficulty dealing with the unknown.
  • Symptoms:
    • Can't trust others to do a good job so you take it on yourself
    • Believe in "if you want it done right, do it yourself"
    • Having a difficult time with uncertainty so try to prepare for every worst case scenario

5. Competitor

  • Cause: you do whatever it takes to "win" or "succeed."
  • Symptoms:
    • Constantly comparing yourself to others and idealizing people's lives
    • Working yourself to exhaustion to stay ahead
    • Getting upset about others' successes, or secretly wishing failure on others

6. People Pleaser

  • Cause: you believe that saying "yes" will avoid disappointing or hurting others.
  • Symptoms:
    • Difficulty setting boundaries and saying "no"
    • Discomfort if someone is upset with you so always comply with what they want / need, even if it doesn't suit your best interests
    • Difficulty asserting yourself

7. Ruminator

  • Cause: you believe that focusing intently on a problem will solve it, or at least relieve the discomfort of not knowing the answer.
  • Symptoms:
    • Spending more time thinking instead of doing, and getting stuck in minutia
    • Trouble sleeping because your brain won't shut off
    • Asking lots of "what if" questions
    • Spend a lot of time worrying about things you have no control over

Ways to Prevent Burnout

If any of these burnout personalities sound a bit like you, it might be time to reset this year. Here are ways Todd recommends preventing burnout so you can achieve healthy success while balancing self-care:

Follow us @BritandCo for more self-care inspo!

Photos by Laura Chouette, Marten Bjork and Toa Heftiba for Unsplash

This post has been updated.

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Oprah Winfrey is much more than a legend. She's one of the reigning stars of daytime TV, creating such a memorable empire that just her first name carries weight. She's full of wisdomand loves celebrating the success of others. Excuse me, that's grounds for a standing ovation.

In addition to all of the things she's accomplished, Oprah has steadily added books to her book club list since 1996. To date, there are 105 titles she's read and chosen to share with others. If you're thinking, "That's a lot of books" then I agree. But, her goal is to highlight both seasoned and new writers who dare to weave together fiction as well as nonfiction works.

After going through the list, here's everything we think you need to add to your at-home library.

Image via Oprah Daily/Eli Schmidt

Yesterday, Oprah announced her book club's 105th pick On OprahDaily.com and CBS Mornings, where she appeared with author Colm Tóibín to discuss his newly released book Long Island. She had nothing but praise for the novel and said, "I was captivated. Tóibín builds the story around a woman whose life changes seemingly overnight with the news of her husband’s infidelity. It opens the door to her own secrets, grappling with choices she made long ago, urging her to break free from the silences she built around her life. A wonderful page-turner to start your summer reading.”

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On OprahDaily.com and CBS Mornings, Oprah Winfrey excitedly shared her book club's 104th pick: The Many Lives of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin. In a touching video, Oprah can be seen surprising Hardin in what feels like a "full circle moment." While trying to process her book being chosen as Oprah's next book club pick, Hardin can be heard saying, "I'm just overwhelmed right now. I'm so grateful."

It's a memoir that details how Hardin's past addiction to opiates caused her to make dire decisions that led her to serve jail time. Not only that, but Hardin eventually finds a way to show herself grace as she reconnects with her children and becomes an ally for other women who are incarcerated.

For a sneak peek of what you can expect in the novel, read an exclusive excerpt on OprahDaily.com!

Long Island by Colm Tóibín

Long Island tells the tale of Eilis Lacey and the discovery of her husband's infidelity. Things start off well enough with Eilis and her husband Tony Fiorello living near his family. The family spends a lot of time together and it feels like they have a quintessential bond that can't be broken.

But when Eilis discovers that a man's wife is carrying Tony's child and they don't want anything to do with the baby, she begins to start looking at her own desires as well as the things she's kept secret for the sake of her marriage. She ends up journeying to a familiar place to rediscover herself and it ignites an inner flame that she thought she lost.

The Many Lives of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin

According to OprahDaily.com, here's the reading schedule for The Many Lives of Mama Love that'll take place on Oprah's book club's Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok channels.

Week #1: Chapters 1–8

Pages 1 to 103

Discussion begins on Saturday, March 9.

Week #2: Chapters 9–14

Pages 105 to 206

Discussion begins on Saturday, March 16.

Week #3: Chapter 15–End

Pages 207 to 304

Discussion begins on Saturday, March 23.

Be sure to grab your copy of The Many Lives of Mama Love so you can join the discussion!

Let Us Descend

Also listed on the Amazon top books list, Let Us Descend is a masterful tale that views slavery through the lens of a young girl who makes powerful discoveries as along her journey. When Annis is sold by her father — a white slave owner — she finds herself thrust into a world at a sugar plantation. Guided by otherworldly spirits, she finds herself coming to terms with who she is despite her circumstances.

"Demon Copperhead" by Barbara Kingsolver Has Something Big To Celebrate

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Last year on Instagram, Oprah's book club announced that Demon Copperhead by Barvara Kingsolver was celebrating a longstanding run on the NYT Bestseller list. This is surely a testament to the way Kingsolver weaves emotion into her written work for readers to feel.

Read our synopsis of "Demon Copperhead" below!

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

It comes as no surprise that Demon Copperhead continues to give a name and face to the perils the young face while growing up. In this case, Demon is learning to come to terms with his upbringing along with the feeling he's not being seen.

Wellness

Oprah's latest book club pick is written by the talented Nathan Hill. Hill paints a picture of the how the idealistic view of marriage and life can feel out of touch with reality. After falling in love during their college days, Jack and Elizabeth are shocked to discover things feel vastly differently decades later. Forced to either turn from each other or peel back layers of hidden things they've never addressed, they make a decision that'll change the course of everything they've known.

Bittersweet by Susan Cain

Bittersweet tackles an emotion we know all too well — sadness. Susan Cain calls for readers to acknowledge that they don't always feel positive, especially when heartbreaking things occur in life.

Nightcrawling by Leila Mottley

With the odds seemingly stacked against them, siblings Kiara and Marcus do what they can to survive while also helping a young neighbor. However, a chance encounter with a stranger grants Kiara with a job that helps sustain them — until she's caught up in a web of secrets that begins with an investigation. Found out what fate has in store for her in Nightcrawling.

Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family by Robert Kolker

Robert Kolker takes a look at how six of the Galvin children were diagnosed with schizophrenia while the other four weren't. Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family details how a 'perfect' example of a nuclear family grappled with secrets and mental illness, something that sounds all too familiar.

Olive, Again byElizabeth Strout

Olive is all at once stubborn and lovable in Olive, Again. From an odd birth experience to her reluctance to accept an inheritance, Olive's life goes through a series of ups and downs that readers will be able to resonate with.

Wild byCheryl Strayed

In a different take of Eat, Pray, Love, young Cheryl decides to go on a hike of more than a thousand miles after the death of her mother and dissolution of her marriage. Her journey is one of self-discovery and healing all at once.

Sula by Toni Morrison

Two friends, Nel and Sula, have a strong bond that takes them through many stages in their lives. But when a betrayal rocks their friendship, they find themselves on opposing sides. Learn what their outcome is in Sula.

House of Sand and Fogby Andre Dubus III

Living with roommates can prove to be tricky but one thing's for sure - stories and lives often intertwine. House of Sand and Fog weaves a tale of strangers whose lives do just that and then some.

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

The Poisonwood Bible follows the Price family, led by devout Evangelist Nathan, as they travel to the Congo in 1959. Determined to save souls, Nathan's fierceness and stubborn nature lead to tragedy that changes the trajectory of the women in his life.

White Oleander by Janet Fitch

When Astrid's mother is sentenced for committing murder, she faces herself immersed in the foster care system in Los Angeles. As the things she faces changes from each home she's placed in, Astrid comes of age and somehow finds her footing.

The Pilot's Wifeby Anita Shreve

When Kathryn's pilot husband dies in a crash, the peaceful and predictable life she'd been living is upended. What happens when she begins to doubt her husband's identity? Find out in The Pilot's Wife.

The Way of Integrity: Finding The Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck

Martha Beck paints a case of what it means to live a life that aligns with our true self in The Way of Integrity: Finding The Path to Your True Self. She also shares what happens when we fall out of that alignment but offers attainable ways to figure out who we really are.

Bewilderment by Richard Powers

When astrobiologist Theo Byrne finds himself coming to terms with his wife's death and their son's troubled behavior, he finds himself willing to do whatever it takes to get him the help he needs. Faced with a chance to try a neurofeedback treatment that features the brain patterns of his late wife, Theo decides it's worth trying in Bewilderment.

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Reverend John Ames decides to write to his son about his family's history - particularly that of his father and grandfather in Gilead. It's a tale that weaves together spirituality, wisdom and more.

More titles on Oprah Winfrey's Book Club List:

  • The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese
  • Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano
  • That Bird Has My Wings by Jarvis Jay Masters
  • Finding Me by Viola Davis
  • The Love Songs of W.E.B. Dubois by Honorée Fanonne Jeffers
  • The Sweetness of Water by Nathan Harris
  • Home by Marilynne Robinson
  • Lila by Marilynn Robinson
  • Jack by Maryilnne Robinson
  • Caste: The Origins of Our Discontent by Isabel Wilkerson
  • Deacon King Kong by James McBride
  • American Dirt: A Novel by Jeanine Cummins
  • The Water Dancer: A Novel by Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Becoming by Michelle Obama
  • The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton
  • An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
  • Behold the Dreamers by Imbolo Mbue
  • Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle
  • The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
  • Ruby by Cynthia Bond
  • The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd
  • The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis
  • A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
  • Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
  • Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
  • Say You're One of Them by Uwen Akpan
  • The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
  • A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
  • The New Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
  • Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez
  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
  • The Road by Cormac McCarthy
  • The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier
  • Night by Elie Wiesel
  • A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
  • Light In August by William Faulkner
  • The Sound and Fury by William Faulkner
  • As I lay Dying by William Faulkner
  • The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
  • Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
  • The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
  • One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez
  • Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton
  • East of Eden by John Steinbeck
  • Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald
  • A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
  • The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
  • Cane River by Lalita Tademy
  • Stolen Livens by Malika Oufkir and Michėle Fitoussi
  • Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio
  • We Were The Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates
  • Drowing Ruth by C/hristina Schwartz
  • Open House by Elizabeth Berg
  • While I was Gone by Sue Miller
  • The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
  • Back Roads by Tawni O'Dell
  • Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
  • Gap Creek by Robert Morgan
  • Vinegar Hill by Manette Ansay
  • River, Cross My Heart by Breena Clarke
  • Tara Road by Maeve Binchy
  • Mother of Pearl by Melinda Haynes
  • The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
  • Jewel by Bret Lott
  • Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts
  • What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage
See Oprah Winfrey's entire book club list here.

Which book(s) are you going to add to your kindle or bookshelf? Let us know in the comments and subscribe to our newsletter for more updates!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Lead image via Cody Love for Oprah Daily

This post has been updated.

Traveling can be so rewarding; new experiences lend to a broader and more understanding mindset and taking time away from your everyday routine can feel like a much-needed breath of fresh air. Whether you’re headed away on a quick weekend accompanied only by a carry-on, or jet setting on a bachelorette trip to celebrate a lifelong girlfriend, trips are good for the mind, body, and soul.

While the positive aspects that accompany traveling are plenty, it’s completely normal to experience anxiety around this process as well. It’s inevitable that each time you take a trip you’re usually forced to encounter one uncomfortable situation or another; planned or not. Maybe your flight gets delayed, your friend can no longer watch your pet while you’re away, or you get sick just days before heading overseas; the unpredictability of travel can be extremely anxiety-inducing, and we get that.

Instead of leaving you to fly solo to stress about the potential anxieties of any upcoming trips you may have on your calendar, we spoke with California-based mental health professor, Dr. Ishan Shivanandwho has experience in groundbreaking protocols for reversing symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and more.

What is anxiety?

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Dr. Shivanand describesanxiety as "a complex state that can manifest in various forms and intensities, affecting both the mind and the body." He continued, saying, “At its core, anxiety involves feelings of worry, fear, and unease, often accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, trembling, and difficulty concentrating. One way to understand anxiety is to think of it as the mind being overwhelmed by the multitude of thoughts, concerns, and stimuli bombarding it at any given moment. Just like a computer with too many open applications, the mind struggles to process everything efficiently, leading to a sense of being scattered and unable to focus.”

Why do I get anxious when I travel?

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When it comes to anxiety specific to travel, the reason for why you may experience these uncomfortable feelings could be due to a multitude of reasons and can vary in intensity from person to person. Dr. Shivanand shared that travel anxiety could be in part due to “fear of the unknown, fear of safety, fear of flying, control issues, and past traumatic experiences,” as well other areas of anxiety including “separation anxiety, social anxiety, and health anxiety.” Dr. Shivanand went on to explain that, although fun, “traveling often involves stepping outside of one's comfort zone and encountering unfamiliar situations, environments, and people. For some individuals, the uncertainty of what to expect can trigger feelings of anxiety.”

No matter why you experience anxiety related to travel, “It's important to recognize that travel anxiety is a common and valid experience, and there are various strategies and coping mechanisms available to help manage it,” offered Dr. Shivanand. “These may include relaxation techniques, cognitive-behavioral strategies, gradual exposure to anxiety-provoking situations, seeking support from mental health professionals, and planning ahead to minimize stressors during travel.”

​How can I control my travel anxiety ahead of my upcoming trip?

Photo by Vlada Karpovich/PEXELS


  • Plan and Prepare in Advance: “Plan your trip ahead of time to reduce uncertainty,” says Dr. Shivanand. “This includes booking accommodations, transportation, and activities in advance, as well as familiarizing yourself with the destination, and local regulations.” Having a loose agenda of things to look forward to when your trip starts is a great way to get excited when thinking about traveling, instead of stressed.
  • Practice Relaxation Techniques: “Incorporate relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and meditation to calm and center yourself. [Yoga of Immortals] Breathwork and Advance Cognitive sessions can really help,” says Dr. Shivanand. As the founder of the Yoga of Immortals practice, he uses its principles in his everyday life and has seen how it can positively impact the lives of others from a mental health standpoint. However, any type of yoga, meditation, and other similar practices you're familiar with should help.

Image via Andrew Worung/Dupe

  • Create a Checklist: “Create a checklist of essential items to pack and tasks to complete before your trip to stay organized and minimize last-minute stressors,” shared Dr. Shivanand. “Organizing your belongings and documents can also help you feel more in control during your travels.” The simple task of crossing off packing items from a list can feel cathartic and ensure you don’t forget anything essential during your travels.
  • Stay Connected: “Maintain communication with friends or family members before, during, and after your trip,” Dr. Shivanand recommends. “Knowing that you have someone to reach out to for support or guidance can provide reassurance and alleviate feelings of isolation.” News flash, the people you care about care about you too! They’ll be happy to hear from you and walk you through any tough feelings, if need be.
  • Stay Grounded: “Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and centered during your travels,” shared Dr. Shivanand. Embrace the ‘pinch me’ moments of your trip as they happen, this is why you’re traveling in the first place after all!

Photo by Cliff Booth/PEXELS

  • Seek Professional Support: “If travel-related anxiety significantly impacts your ability to engage in travel experiences, consider seeking support from a mental health professional,” says Dr. Shivanand. Listen; asking for help is okay, and something that you should do if it will have a positive impact on your life.
  • Incorporate Meditative & Wellness Daily: In doing so, Dr Shivanand says, "One can effectively manage travel-related anxiety and enjoy your travel experiences with greater ease and confidence.” Dr. Shivanand reiterates that “it's okay to seek support and take proactive steps to prioritize your mental well-being during your travels.”

Looking for more travel tips? Be sure to sign up for our weekly email newsletter so you never miss a thing!

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Somehow, we have reached the 20th anniversary of A Cinderella Story. (2004 really was THAT year. The Notebook, A Cinderella Story,Mean Girls). Behind the scenes of an interview with the Today Show, Chad Michael Murray (who played Austin Ames in the movie opposite Hilary Duff's Sam) teased some kind of celebration coming our way!

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Replying to @Mystery bagel tw: emotional ‼️ one of the most iconic scenes #cinderellastory #chadmichaelmurray

"Do you realize this July is the 20th anniversary of A Cinderella Story?" Chad Michael Murray asks the camera. "Next week, we're going to do a little Austin Ames wink and nod to at the fans. You'll see."

There are literally so many things Chad could do in honor of the anniversary, which is happening July 16. The actor has played basketball at his One Tree Hill reunions, so maybe he'd play some football. He could also break out his old costume or reenact the iconic "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing," scene with Hilary Duff — but TBH I hope whatever he does, he does it with Hilary. This would be the reunion I've been waiting for!!

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Chad Michael Murray has talked about the fun of filming A Cinderella Story in the past — and how hilarious it is his character supposedly couldn't recognize Hilary Duff in the mask. "If you go to masquerade mall and a girl you see almost every day is wearing a small mask and her entire face is exposed and you still can't recognize her, you should probably see an eye doctor... among a few other doctors," he jokes with E! News.

How will you be celebrating the anniversary of A Cinderella Story this July? Let us know on Facebook!

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If there's one word to describe Bridgerton, it's romantic. The costumes, the makeup, the press tour moments between season 3 leads Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton — all of it leaves me giggling and kicking my feet. And apparently, love might be in the air for two other Bridgerton cast members: Luke Thompson and Harriet Cains!

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Luke Thompson (who plays Benedict Bridgerton) and Harriet Cains (Philippa Featherington) were spotted at the Vanity Fair EE BAFTA Rising Star Party together, and they were getting cozy. The deeper I go into the rabbit hole the more I find and suddenly, this is my favorite (potential) celebrity couple!

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These besties are clearly so comfortable around each other, and aren't afraid to get up close and personal. (A fact that might scandalize Harriet's character Philippa Featherington. It seems pretty par for the course for Benedict Bridgerton). Luke Thompson and Harriet Cains might be the couple I'm rooting for, but fans are also hoping to see Benedict find love with Sophie Beckett in Bridgerton season 4. And Luke is expecting to learn even more about his character the longer the show sticks around.

"The more you stay with a character, the more you start to see the chinks in the armor, a bit of vulnerability," he told Vestal Mag in 2022. "Benedict is no exception this season, no matter how blasé he seems to want to be."

I love seeing how Benedict isn't afraid to be his goofy self, and how much he looks out for his siblings (particularly Eloise, which is my favorite relationship on the show!), but things might change once he really, truly falls in love. I don't think Sophie will make him act any less himself, but I'm excited to see how she brings out different parts of his personality we haven't seen yet — and emphasizes the aspects we know and love.

Check out our Bridgerton season 3 interview for more news on your favorite show, and see if the Bridgerton World Tour is coming to a city near you!

Lead image via Netflix