When Is It Actually Okay for a Friend to Date Your Ex?
You’ve gotten over the breakup — whether by breakup app, help from your friend or a Joe Jonas-esque post-breakup makeover (yas, rainbow hair). You’ve moved on. Maybe you’ve even decided to stay friends. But what’s your move if your friend is interested in dating your former one-and-only? We asked five women what they’d do in this situation, and their responses are a mix of understanding, unforgiving and everything in-between. Keep reading to get some peer advice and see where you fit on the spectrum of opinions.
1. It totally depends. “If you were engaged and called it off, it’s never okay for a friend to approach that ex. But if the relationship was shorter-lived, it’s different. I also think it’s important to note that labels don’t matter too much. If your friend had feelings for someone, then they had feelings for them, regardless if they were official. If I wanted to pursue a friend’s ex, I would ask that friend their thoughts and also observe their current relationship status. If you can SEE that they’ve moved on and they’re not just sparing your feelings, then it’s okay.” – Megan I.
2. Never. Ever. “As a close friend, they probably know everything about your relationship, including what you went through during the breakup. And unless you didn’t care at all when you broke up, then your friend is basically disregarding the pain you felt when you broke up. If it was a serious relationship, they’d essentially be reliving everything you did with your ex and seeing that same side of him/her, which I wouldn’t be comfortable with.” – Alex E.
3. Let the feelings dictate. “I dated a guy for two years, and he was my first love. But just as I couldn’t control my feelings for him, neither can my friends if they have feelings for the same person. So if one of my friends fell for my ex, I would do my best to deal with it and be supportive.” – Kindermarie W.
4. It depends on your relationship. “If you’ve completely moved on and are in a committed relationship, it makes your friend’s relationship with your ex matter less. Being with someone else proves that you have moved on, and it’s only fair to let your ex move on too.” – Abbie B.
5. It would simply never happen. “Personally, I’ve always strayed away from dating people my friends might date. I think I look for guys outside of my web of friends or friends’ exes because I don’t want to be part of something confusing and I don’t want the relationships to be compared to each other.” – Grace B.
What do you think? How would you respond to a friend asking to date your ex? Let us know @BritandCo!
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