Even if you鈥檙e in the most loving, romantic, gushy relationship ever 鈥 we鈥檙e talking little birds and woodland creatures help you get dressed in the morning 鈥 you can鈥檛 avoid the occasional argument, whether it鈥檚 over little things like loading the dishwasher 鈥渃orrectly鈥 and whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, or bigger things like finding out your S.O. is on Tinder. But rather than blowing up and using words you should never use during a fight or ignoring something that could turn your relationship toxic, here are some tips on how you can control your rage 鈥 even when your S.O. is clipping their toenails on the couch, again.

Every marriage has its bad days...

1. Get it out there right away. We鈥檝e all heard it before: Don鈥檛 bottle up your feelings. When you first feel anger coming on, calmly express it out loud to your partner and talk through what鈥檚 happening.

2. Keep your temper in check. You don鈥檛 want to go from zero to screaming and have steam coming out of your ears. Make the effort to take a deep breath, step back and stay calm. Anger is easily transferrable (AKA you鈥檒l piss off your partner), and could escalate a little disagreement into a full-on fight.

3. Stay in the room. Shouting 鈥淚 just need space!鈥 two seconds into a fight and storming off into the other room won鈥檛 magically make your anger disappear. It鈥檚 better to sit down and deal with it rather than let it fester. It also shows you鈥檙e committed to communication and respect, not throwing a tantrum.

4. Focus on how you feel. Instead of putting the whole thing in terms of 鈥測ou did this鈥 or 鈥淚 hate when you,鈥 make your statements about your feelings: 鈥淚 feel bad because鈥︹ or 鈥淲hen you do this, it makes me feel鈥︹ This practice will definitely be received better by your boo than blaming phrases and will help you better articulate what鈥檚 really bothering you too.

I don't want to talk....

5. Don鈥檛 get defensive. If you鈥檙e the one at fault in the argument, you don鈥檛 have to keep the blame cycle going. If you find yourself starting a sentence with, 鈥淲ell, you鈥,鈥 recognize that you鈥檙e not really moving the convo anywhere productive by pulling in other issues. Accept responsibility (without making lame excuses to justify it), and demonstrate how you鈥檒l do better.

6. Know your triggers. If you鈥檙e constantly getting worked up over the same things your partner says or does, you might need to take a look at whether the issue is really you. It鈥檚 totally natural to get annoyed or even angry every once in awhile, but if you鈥檙e nitpicking at something fairly innocuous over and over again, the secret might be shifting your attitude and response, rather than trying to force them to change.

7. Try a couples therapist. You don鈥檛 have to be married to go to couple鈥檚 counseling. If you find your love for one another is spattered with constant bickering, you might want to consider it, especially if you鈥檙e thinking about taking any big relationship steps in the near future. Better yet, start going before there鈥檚 a big problem where you think you 鈥渘eed it鈥 to stay together to build skills for tackling potential future challenges.

How do you and your partner deal with anger and keep fights from escalating? Tweet us your tips @BritandCo!

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