You gotta hand it to Shakespeare — he made a pretty strong case for names being meaningless conventions. (Remember? “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Word.) But times have changed, and these days it’s all about bestowing a worthy and creative moniker on your newborn. With names potentially determining career paths, French courts refusing some nutty names and celebrities taking all the best ones, coming up with a truly unique name can be a challenge for creative parents… until now.

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Swiss company Erfolgswelle is an international naming agency that will dub your baby for you. A team of name developers, historians and legal name experts takes into consideration everything your little one needs to be genuinely one-of-a-kind. They check historical databases, language translations, word associations… the works. Your baby will be THE first person with the new name, all for just the small fee of… $31,000.

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*record scratch* WHAT? Yeah. We adore a unique name as much as the next, but that’s a lot of cash to hand over for bragging rights.

Even if you’re tempted by Erfolgswelle (and we can’t really blame you… with a company name like that, they probably can come up with some awesome options), we say stash that money in baby’s college fund instead. With a little bit of time and a few handy search tools like the ones below, you’ll have your perfect baby name in no time.

1. Predict a Name’s Popularity

Time Name Predictor

Time.com has this super-impressive, free online tool that lets you type in any name to see when it was last popular and how it’s likely to trend in the next 25 years. That way your kiddo won’t share her name with a dozen of her preschool classmates.

2. Look to the Past

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Remember, a third of this naming business is done, since you already have a last name for your newborn. Become an amateur historian by signing up for Ancestry.com, find out what your surname means and go from there. For example, Griffin is a “nickname for a fierce or dangerous person” (booyah) — should I go with a delicate first name for balance or double up on the cool factor? Time to head to BabyCenter for an advanced search on name meaning.

3. Roll the (Digital) Dice

BabyNamesApp

Wish someone would just decide for you? There’s an app for that. In fact, there are several apps for that. Our favorite has to be the one that takes the choice out of your hands and puts it in your baby’s feet. Hold American Baby’s Baby Names!!! app (free on Android and iOS) up to your bump, scroll through and when the baby kicks, there’s your answer.

4. What Inspires You?

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If the hunt for a truly one-of-a-kind name is just too daunting, focus instead on what names make you smile. Maybe it’s rock ‘n’ roll like Jett or Hendrix, foodie-inspired like Olive or it comes from your love of gardening, like Fleur. Or perhaps you’re Kickstarter-obsessed like we are and want to crowdsource a name from the Internet — whatever it is, you do you. ;) (Photo via Ethan Miller/Getty)

How do you pick the perfect baby name? Would you ever shell out $31,000 for someone to do it for you? Give us the roll call in the comments below.

(h/t Buzzfeed)