6 Tips for Taking Ownership of Your Shortcomings (Without Groveling)

Alli Hoff Kosik
Oct 15, 2017

“Own it.” You’ve probably heard this phrase out of the mouths of over-served reality TV stars, or perhaps you’ve hurled it via text at a BFF. You may even seek to “own it” in your own life, making it your personal mantra to be painfully honest about your behavior, even when it’s not so great. At its core, this turn of phrase means being accountable — and while the concept is pretty trendy these days, the actual practice isn’t so simple.

Relationship expert Hilary Silver is a big proponent of owning it and an even bigger believer in what we all have to gain from doing so. For one, “we’re more likable when we own our stuff, because we’re better people and we’re more at peace with ourselves,” she says. Self-awareness and accountability are also important when it comes to leadership. “I think that you can be the most effective leader when you don’t pretend to have it all together,” Silver says. “Clearly, you’re a leader because you have skills and you earned it in so many ways — but when you can be honest and say where you struggle and how you’re working on it, people will follow you anywhere.”

Whether you want to practice ownership and accountability to improve your leadership abilities or simply to feel better as a person, here are six expert tips from the coach and relationship pro that will help you do just that.

1. Find the patterns in your life. We all have them. They’re the things we do over and over again that still make us cringe every. Single. Time. Maybe your knee-jerk reaction to criticism is to get defensive, or maybe there’s a nasty little monster on your shoulder that nudges you to make a snarky comment at someone else’s expense any time you feel uncomfortable. These are behavioral patterns, and identifying them is the first step toward holding yourself accountable for less-than-model behavior and becoming a better version of yourself. You might also notice frustrating patterns that feel outside of your control. Patterns like that might be an indication that you need to switch up how you approach relationships or decisions. “Start looking carefully at places where you’re stuck, where you’re unable to break out of the situation, where you’re having trouble reaching a goal, or where you’re having an experience that keeps repeating itself that you don’t like,” Silver says. “If it happens once, it could be a fluke and it could be done. But if it happens many times, it’s likely there’s a good answer and something that you’re doing to contribute.”

2. Own it! (But be kind.) Once you’ve figured out which of your patterns needs breaking, it’s time to take responsibility. “We often point the finger of blame at the situation or at another person,” Silver says. “Waiting for somebody else to change so that you can be happier means you’re going to be waiting a really long time — or forever. Being more in control and empowered to make the change means you have to buck up and take responsibility for what you are contributing.” An important step in taking this responsibility (and one that we’re finding especially refreshing in Silver’s approach) is cutting yourself a little slack. According to Silver, when we judge ourselves for our admittedly bad behavior before we even start taking steps to do better, we tend to get in our own way — and that doesn’t help anyone. “You can’t get to the bottom of something that’s going on with you if you’re not letting yourself go there,” she says. “The best way to go there is to know that you’re not going to be treated poorly by yourself. You deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt and to give yourself a break.” Preach!

3. Understand what you would like to be doing instead. Figure out what behavior, habit, or reaction would be better than the one you tend to engage in already. “Have a goal for what you would like to be working toward doing so that it’s ready for you when you’re trying to make those changes,” Silver suggests. “Visualize yourself doing that so that when the time comes, you’re more likely to be able to carry it out.”

4. Find openings for improvement. You’ve figured out where you need to improve, and you’re starting to take accountability (without beating yourself up). Next? Tune in to opportunities to make changes. If you’ve been paying close attention to your shortcomings so far, you should have a pretty good idea by now of when and how you’re most likely to fall off the wagon of good behavior. Identify those moments and try flipping the script. If you tend to lash out at your S.O. every time you start talking about money, be more intentional and take an extra beat next time the subject comes up in conversation. If you find yourself procrastinating on the job every time a certain kind of project is assigned to you, consider setting up a time to talk with your boss and ask more questions the next time said project comes across your desk. You need to start making a point of doing things differently, because only then can you expect different results. “Set yourself up to break those patterns,” Silver says. “Look for openings to do that.”

5. Have a sense of humor. As you work your way toward an even more perfect you (hard to imagine, we know), don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and to more actively and outwardly own the places where you fall short. “Having an awareness of your shortcomings and owning them makes them so much more tolerable for other people,” Silver says. Next time you find yourself being difficult among a group of friends or family members, see how it feels to admit what you’re doing — but without being self deprecating. Laugh it off a bit (unless the laughter feels insensitive in the moment, of course), put a name to how you’re acting — “I’m being so difficult/judgmental/[insert other adjective here]” — and give some context to what’s been happening in your life to make you act that way. “Do it in a way where you know your worth, your strengths, and your shortcomings, and where you can laugh about those things and do your best to work on them,” Silver says. “When you own it out loud, people see the humanity in you and they know that you’re self-aware.”

6. Be proactive. It will be easier for you to anticipate your own bad behaviors and tackle them when you’re taking time to touch base with yourself on a regular basis. Silver recommends a five-minute daily mindfulness check, during which you should be asking yourself what’s bothering you, what’s on your mind, and what you need most in that moment. Being more sensitive to your mental state at any given moment will allow you to take ownership of your behavior and more effectively make changes in an intentional way.

What bad habits or patterns are you trying to break? Tweet us @BritandCo!

(Photo via Getty)

5 Doubts You Might Have After Moving In Together — And How to Deal With Them

You and your significant other have decided to move in together. You're picking out a new sofa and dreaming about how amazing it will be to cook breakfast together every Saturday morning. In the weeks after the move-in, it's likely to feel pretty idyllic. You're awash in the honeymoon period, so thrilled to be sharing a home that nothing can shake you. But then things get a little dicey.

A few weeks or months after you've moved in together, you may start to question things. And that's perfectly normal. You've just taken a major step in your relationship, and growing pains are totally real, so don't let your doubts derail your future plans with your S.O. Experts say these five doubts are especially common. Here's how to deal.

1. Is Our Relationship Moving at the "Right" Pace?

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“After moving in together, many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship," licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says. “Each partner may experience uncertainty about their own or their partner's timing and may suffer if they relate their partner's faster pace to being pushed or their partner's slower pace to feeling unappreciated or undervalued." Once you're sharing a space with your S.O. 24/7, you may be more sensitive than ever to the fact that you're not on the same page about things like engagement, in-laws, children, and more. If you're experiencing doubt about how — and how quickly — your relationship is moving forward, start talking about it with bae ASAP. See if you can recalibrate your expectations and open up communication.

2. How Should We Be Handling Our Finances?

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There are plenty of romantic elements about moving in with a partner, but money is also at play… and that's not so romantic. If you and your significant other didn't have an extensive conversation about finances before the move-in actually happened, you may be finding that your new roomie has financial habits that make you feel uncomfortable now that you're sharing bills. Certified mental health professional and relationship expert from Maple Holistics Adina Mahalli suggests seeking outside help when possible for this kind of issue. Sign up for a financial management class together to help put those doubts at ease. If that's not doable for you, try setting up a very clear budget so you can get back on the same page.

3. Can I Handle These Quirks Full-Time?

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In the glow of a new relationship, your sweetie's idiosyncrasies may seem more cute than annoying. But when you're dealing with them front and center, day in and day out? Maybe not so much. “Once you move in together, your rose-colored glasses start to wear off and seemingly endearing traits become more irritating and harder to overlook," DatingScout dating expert Celia Schweyer notes. “Living together means you have to experience real life with your partner." Navigating those real-life annoyances while keeping your relationship strong requires communication and compromise, Schweyer says. Speak up (respectfully) about the habits that bother you, and come to the table with suggestions that will allow you and your partner to live in harmony without changing who you are. It's better than bottling up your frustration and becoming resentful.

4. What if We Start To Feel Like Roommates?

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If, after living together for a while, you and your S.O. start to feel less like romantic partners and more like, well, roomies, don't panic. It happens. But it may create some doubt. Matchmaker, relationship expert, and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon tells us that roommate syndrome can be solved by putting in some serious mutual work. Both of you will need to step up your game, communicate, and figure out how to get the dynamic back on track.

5. What If My Partner Starts to Hate My Quirks?

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Just as you might suddenly doubt your relationship because your significant other's quirks are on display full-time, you may start to get insecure about how they perceive your quirks. “You will become more relaxed in your own home and less willing or able to keep up a show," marriage coach and relationship expertLesli Doares says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can come as a surprise." Be open-minded about hearing your partner's feedback and don't shy away from trying to improve on some of the habits that cause issues.

RELATED: 7 Tips You Need to Know When Moving in With Your Significant Other

This post has been updated.

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Ryan Gosling Supports Eva Mendes "In All The Ways," And It Makes Us Love Him Even More

There are two things I know for sure: Ken loves Barbie, and Ryan Gosling loves Eva Mendes. The couple met on the movie set for The Place Beyond the Pines in 2011, and have created such a beautiful life together! Eva's just as excited for the Christmas remix of "I'm Just Ken" as we are, and Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes' constant support of one another is making us think back on all their cutest moments.

A Full Timeline Of Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes' Relationship

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August 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Meet During The Place Beyond The Pines

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes took a chance at romance after they played a couple in 2011's The Place Beyond The Pines. Once they were linked, they were seen walking around Disneyland "like a dating couple, [walking] very closely, holding hands and their arms touching side-by-side," according to a PEOPLE eyewitness.

Image via Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for SXSW

November + December 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Spend The Holidays Together

During Thanksgiving in 2011, Eva Mendes was filming Holly Motors in Paris, so Ryan Gosling took a trip to the City of Lights so they could spend the holiday together. They also ended up going on Funny or Die's Drunk History Christmas the next month to reenact a 21+ version of The Night Before Christmas *and* spent New Year's together!

Image via Sonia Recchia/Getty Images

September 7, 2012 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Attend The Toronto International Film Festival Together

To promote The Place Beyond the Pines, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes spent a lot of time together on the TIFF red carpet. Years later in 2019, when Kelly Clarkson pulled up the picture, Eva couldn't help but gush over Ryan — especially since they hadn't announced they were dating at the time. “Oh my God, that’s so old," she says of the photo. "That’s literally me going, ‘I’m not in love with him. What? I’m not in love.’ ‘Cause we were trying to be very professional."

Image via Warner Bros. Pictures

May 2014 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Work Together On Lost River

Ryan and Eva reunited on a film set again for Lost River, which was both Ryan's directorial debut and served as a semi-autobiographical story for him. "For me, it was crucial to work in this intimate, low-budget, small way, with people I had worked with before, because I feel like in my experience that’s where everyone was at their best," Ryan tells Sunday Style (via Mangalorean). "They know what is at stake for you personally, and all the work that’s gone into getting there."

Eva also told her Instagram followers in a since-deleted postthat Lost River is the project she's most proud of. "There was one film I'm extra proud to be a part of," she said. "A dark fairy tale. A magical fantasy. To all the struggling single mothers, to all of us in cities that feel like they're burning down or flooding around us, to everyone fighting for the ones they love, this was a good one."

Image via Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

September 12, 2014 — Eva Mendes Gives Birth To Their First Child

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes welcomed Esmerelda Amada Gosling into the world in September of 2014. Eva later said that she didn't even want kids until she got together with Ryan. "I was lucky enough to work my bum off for 20 years," she tells Nova 96.9's Fitzy & Wippa (via PEOPLE). "I never wanted babies before until I fell in love with Ryan, and it kind of worked out to where I was 40 and having my first baby. I think I was 42 for the second one, so it worked out in that way that I had a career and then I change my focus to my family."

Ryan also went on to tell GQ in 2023 that he was in a similar place before meeting Eva. "I wasn’t thinking about kids before I met her, but after I met Eva, I realized that I just didn’t want to have kids without her," he says. "And there were moments on The Place Beyond the Pines where we were pretending to be a family, and I didn’t really want it to be pretend anymore." I could cry!!

Image via Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images

December 7, 2015 — Ryan Gosling Gives A Rare Interview About His Relationship

While Ryan and Eva have kept their relationship very private, he told Hello! that "I know that I'm with the person I'm supposed to be with" and that literally the only quality he looks for in a woman is "That she's Eva Mendes. There's nothing else I'm looking for." Swoon!

Image via Brad Barket/Getty Images

April 29, 2016 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Have Their Second Child

Eva Mendes gave birth to her and Ryan's second baby, a daughter named Amada Lee Gosling, in April 2016 — after keeping the pregnancy a secret until it was almost time to deliver! Amada is named after Eva's grandma.

Image via Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

January 8, 2017 — Ryan Gosling Dedicates His La La Land Golden Globe To Eva Mendes' Brother

While accepting his Golden Globe for Best Performance in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy, Ryan Gosling made sure to let the world know just how much of a role Eva had played in the process. “I would like to try and thank one person properly, and say that while I was singing and dancing and playing piano,” he says in his speech, “my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother with his battle with cancer.”

Eva's brother, Juan Carlos Mendes, had passed away the previous April and Ryan took the opportunity to dedicate the award to him.

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February 12, 2020 — Eva Mendes Reveals Ryan Gosling Is A Great Cook

When an Instagram account asked what Eva and Ryan liked to cook, Eva revealed just how amazing Ryan is with food. "Ryan is an amazing chef AND baker," she says in her reply. "For reals. Incredible. No joke. I'm not sure that what I do is cooking. It's more like steaming veggies and juicing and making rice. He really cooks. I survive." Can I get Ryan Gosling to make me a meal sometime?

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January 1, 2022 — Ryan Gosling Shares About Their Quarantine Life

“Time, in general, is something I think about a lot now. My kids are growing up so fast I need to keep an eye on the clock in a way I never used to,” Ryan Gosling tells GQ. “I feel like I need more time to process [how much the pandemic played into that]. But [Eva and I] have two kids, so we spend a lot of our time trying to keep them entertained.”

While they enjoyed their time together, Ryan's also candid about the effect of lockdown on their children: “Our kids were at a difficult age not to be able to see other kids and interact with people, even though Eva and I did our best.”

Image via Jaap Buitendijk/Warner Bros. Pictures.

June 2022 — Eva Mendes Embraces The Kenergy

When the world went crazy for every bit of Barbie news, so did Eva Mendes. "So. F. Funny," she says in an Instagram caption sharing the first look at Ryan Gosling's Ken. "So. F. Good. So F excited for you to see this…#Thatsmyken."

"It's a funny photo and he's trying to be funny, so it worked on all levels," she goes on to say on The Talk. "But when I saw it, when he sent it to me from work, I was like, 'Can I please have that underwear? Please, I never ask for anything'...So, anyway, I do have it. I'm wearing it right now."

Via Eva Mendes/Instagram

November 2022 — Eva Mendes Begins Dropping Hints She Married Ryan Gosling

When Eva showed off a new tattoo on her wrist in November of 2022 on Instagram, fans immediately began dissecting its meaning. The tattoo, which reads "de Gosling" (which is similar to Mrs. Gosling) could mean that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are actually married! She went on to tell Today in Australia (via DailyMail) that "Everyone is so welcoming here and my husband Ryan is here, and we are having the best time." 👀

Image via Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for SiriusXM

August 9, 2023 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Love Family Time

In the midst of crazy release schedules and commitments (not to mention the actors' strike), Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes always prioritize their family life. "When they are not working, they are all about their girls," a source tells People. "Ryan is such a fun dad. He is goofy and his girls love it." The source continues by saying the family loves to go to the beach or the desert (same TBH).

Image via Warner Bros Pictures.

December 18, 2023 — Eva Mendes Can't Wait For The "I'm Just Ken" Christmas Remix

If the original version of "I'm Just Ken" wasn't good enough, Ryan Gosling is blessing us with a Christmas remix — and Eva Mendes is just as excited as we are. "Ken not wait for this," she says in an Instagram caption.

Image via Jeff Spicer/Getty Images for Warner Bros.

January 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Mentions His Family During His Acceptance Speech

At the 2024 Santa Barbra International Film Festival, Ryan Gosling won the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence in Film — and he totally deserves it! With a career that includes iconic films like La La Land and Barbie, as well as The Notebook, Blade Runner 2049, and Crazy Stupid Love, all kinds of film lovers have gotten to see Ryan's work onscreen. During his acceptance speech, Ryan got choked up talking about how acting allowed him to meet "the girl of [his] dreams."

"I dreamed of one day making movies and now movies have made my life a dream," he says in his speech. "So the way I see it, there's no way I have contributed half as much to cinema as cinema's contributed to me."

Image via Jaap Buitendijk/Warner Bros. Entertainment

January 24, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscar Nomination

After the Oscar nominations were announced January 23, Eva Mendes took to Instagram to celebrate Ryan Gosling's nomination for Best Supporting Actor. "So proud of my man. So much hate when he took on this role," she says alongside screenshots of the first (very negative) reviews of his casting. "So many people trying to shame him for doing it. Despite all the #Notmyken ridicule and articles written about him, he created this completely original, hilarious, heartbreaking, now iconic character and took it all the way to Oscars. So beyond proud to be this Ken’s Barbie."

Image via Caroline McCredie/Getty Image

February 22, 2014 - Eva Mendes Announces Upcoming Children's Book

Yesterday Eva Mendes shared with People that she's penned a children's book named Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries that'll debut September 17. It's all about a little girl who's always worried that her scary brain is the real monster she's afraid of at night. Through gentle reminders, Desi's mom helps her understand that being afraid is normal and teaches her how not to let scary thoughts control her.

Eva Mendes told People the books is like "a love letter to my kids and yours" because "...Learning how to train our brain to work for us and not against us is easier said than done!" Since we know racing thoughts doesn't just affect adults, we love that Eva is finding a way to share some of her parenting tips with other parents.

Pre-Order Eva Mendes' Children's Book:

Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worriesby Eva Mendes

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

March 10, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscars Performance

Eva Mendes celebrated the Oscars on March 10 with a post highlighting Ryan Gosling's performance, and his entire run as Ken! "You took Ken all the way to the Oscar’s, RG," she says on Instagram. "Now come home, we need to put the kids to bed."

We love the way this couple can have fun with each other — and highlight how much teamwork parenthood requires!

Image via Kevin Winter/Getty Images

March 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Details How Eva Mendes And Their Daughters Helped Him Prepare For His Oscars Performance

Leave it to Ryan Gosling not to take credit for his amazing Oscars performance. He gushed to People about how Eva Mendes and their daughters helped him make sure his Kenergy truly shined bright. "They are such a huge part of this for me...it was my girl's interest in Barbie and disinterest in Ken that got me into this in the first place. It was beautiful to have them there at the end," he said.

As we all saw, the unmistakable Kenergy was in full force and effect during the Oscars.

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

March 26, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says It Was A "No Brainer" To Stay Home With Her Kids

Deciding how to maintain a work-home balance when you have kids is something every parent thinks about, and it turns out that extends to celebs, too! After starring with Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond The Pines, Eva Mendes decided it was a "no brainer" to stay home with their family since acting can take you all over the world, which the actress revealed in a recent episode of The Today Show. “It was almost just like a non-verbal agreement that it was like, ‘Ok, he’s going to work and I’m going to work, I’m just going to work here,'” she says. She also says she's “so lucky” to “have this time with [their] children.”

“I have never experienced anything like [working with Ryan Gosling]. The way he works, his commitment to his craft, how he wants to make everything as best as it can be, and that means making his co-stars as best as they can be,” she continues. “But unfortunately — or fortunately — there is only one Ryan!"

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

April 1, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says Her Daughters Make Everything Better

After losing her brother in 2016, Eva Mendes says she has a "complicated relationship" with the month of April — but that her daughters make it infinitely more bearable. "[April 2] would have been my brother’s birthday," she says on Instagram. "In a couple of weeks from now is the day we lost him…but then, the end of April we got the biggest blessing of all, my little girl was born 8 years ago. I hate you April. But I love you more."

Image via Will Heath/NBC

April 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Hosts SNL

During his latest stint hosting SNL, Ryan Gosling did a hilarious sketch about a man who picks up a Cuban accent after getting married to a Cuban woman. Eva Mendes was all over it! "Coño! My Cuban Papi made this Cuban Mami so happy with this!!" Eva wrote on Instagram. "Years of hanging out with my Dad paid off."

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May 1, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Is The Ultimate Support System For Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes is not here for the mom-shamers. She told People (in honor of its 2024 Beautiful Issue) that staying home to focus on Ryan Gosling and her kids was the "easiest decision I've ever made" because she wanted to be there for their formative childhood years.

"When I was 40, it was a big deal for people when I was pregnant, and it wasn't for me," she says. "And then I was 42 and I was pregnant with my second one and people were like, 'Oh my God, you're going to be so tired. That's why people have kids in their 20s.' I was like, that's the most sorry, asinine thing I've ever heard."

"[Ryan supports me] in all the ways I need to be supported," she continues. "He's got me in all the ways."

Check back here for the latest news on Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes, and don't forget to read up on Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce's Relationship and Tom Holland and Zendaya. :)

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This post has been updated.

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4 Rom-Com Relationships That Are The Actual Worst

Rom-coms are having a moment RN. Between Lindsay Lohan's Irish Wish, Anne Hathaway's The Idea Of You, and Zendaya's Challengers, our hearts are bursting from all the love and romance. But even though romantic comedy relationships are portrayed as #relationshipgoals, many on-screen romances are actually riddled with toxic dynamics and unhealthy behaviors. Christie Tcharkhoutian, professional matchmaker for Los Angeles-based Three Day Rule, revealed to us why four of our fave romantic movie fictional couples should be written off as inspo for you and your S.O.

Juliet and Mark in "Love Actually"

Image via Universal Studios Home Entertainment

Problematic Message: Love is the most exciting when it’s forbidden.

Even if you haven’t seen the romantic comedy, you’ve definitely seen the GIFs: Andrew Lincoln, playing Mark, professing his love for Keira Knightley’s character through handwritten signs, one of which reads the famous line, “To me, you are perfect.” Yes, it’s ultra-romantic — until you look a little closer. “Although we all love an honest display of love, making a play and expressing your love for your best friend’s wife is not a good start for a relationship, on or off screen,” Tcharkhoutian says.

And the most harmful part of these fictional narratives is that they only show a fraction, if any, of the fallout. “This is a toxic dynamic that devalues the dignity of marriage and romanticizes the idea of being in love with someone who is ‘off-limits,’ without portraying the harsh realities of this kind of basis for a relationship,” Tcharkhoutian explains.

Andie and Ben in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"

Image via Paramount Pictures

Problematic Message: A relationship that began with ulterior motives can become healthy and functional.

There’s no denying that Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a dreamy pair, but in this movie, their relationship is a nightmare. Their quick rise to love is certainly entertaining, but the foundation of their relationship makes it impossible to exist outside of fiction.

The two meet as means to prove themselves at their respective jobs, and in true rom-com fashion, their supposedly real feelings take off from there. Tcharkhoutian cautions against this behavior in real life. “This can set up a relationship to be something in which a person is objectified as a vehicle to help you meet your needs, instead of a mutual union and partnership with pure and honest motives of loving each other through thick and thin,” she says.

Lucy and Jack in "While You Were Sleeping"

Image via Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment

Problematic Message: Falling in love with the idea of someone can result in a happy ending.

No one can resist a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, so it’s no surprise this movie is still revered as a classic of the genre. It has all the necessary components: an unrealistic plot (she saves a man’s life, is confused for his fiancée by his family, and then falls in love with his brother while he’s in a coma — like, come on!), a handsome boy-next-door lead and, of course, love. However, much like the relationship in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the foundation is faulty.

Falling in love with the idea of someone, as Sandra Bullock’s character does, doesn’t equate to falling in love with the actual person, Tcharkhoutian clarifies, and to start a relationship with this basis in real life is ill-advised.

Amanda and Graham in "The Holiday"

Image via Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

Problematic Message: True love lies in the next adventure, which is far from your hometown and your past relationship.

Who hasn’t dreamt of traveling to a foreign country; staying in a cozy, remote cottage; and falling in love with someone even half as good-looking as Jude Law? Well, there’s a reason it’s a mere fantasy. Tcharkhoutian describes the phenomenon in The Holiday movie as escapism — the idea that you need to escape from your day-to-day life to find true happiness or, in this case, true love.

Although it’s fun to dream, if taken too far, this particular romantic comedy mentality can lead to irrational expectations. “This escapism mentality can create a false belief that international [relationships] are sustainable in the long-term,” Tcharkhoutian remarks. “True healthy relationships survive and thrive in the everyday, mundane routine, not in the exciting international adventure that depends on thrill and distance.”

Which rom-com couples stay together?

Image via Netflix

However, there are PLENTY of romantic comedy relationships we love! Some of our favorites include Nick and Rachel in Crazy Rich Asians, Matty and Jenna in 13 Going on 30, Harry and Sally in Meg Ryan's When Harry Met Sally, Elle and Emmett in Legally Blonde, and Peter and Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

What other romantic comedy fictional couples should be on this list? Let us know @BritandCo.

Lead image via Paramount Pictures

This post has been updated.

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A "Verity" Movie Is Officially On Its Way

Thanks to Challengers and The Watchers, I can already tell 2024 is going to be a year of shocking movies (and shockingly good movies), and that trend is going to continue thanks to Verity & Colleen Hoover. While It Ends With Us might be the most popular Colleen Hoover book, Verity is arguably the craziest, and The Hollywood Reporter just confirmed that a movie is officially in development! While we wait for more news, browse the Colleen Hoover merch you can wear to opening night ;).

Is there a movie about the book Verity?

Image via Amazon

Yes, a movie based on Colleen Hoover's Verity is officially on the way! The movie's in development at Amazon MGM Studios (the studio behind Florence Pugh's A Good Person and Zendaya's Challengers). Hillary Seitz is currently writing the script for the film, and Eat the Cat's Nick Antosca and Alex Hedlund are producing.

What is Verity about?

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In Verity by Colleen Hoover, Lowen Ashleigh is a writer struggling to make ends meet. That is, until she's offered the job of a lifetime by Jeremy, husband to the ultimate it-girl author, Verity Crawford. The thriller writer is no longer able to finish the remaining books in her series, and Jeremy wants Lowen to pick up where she left off. While Lowen is over the moon to step in (both into the job and their huge family estate), a secret manuscript and family secrets lead Lowen to realize Verity's hiding a lot more than she's letting on. B+C editor Haley Sprankle says this is one of the craziest books she's ever read, and I know this is definitely going to be one of the craziest movies we've seen!

Who's in the Verity cast?

Image via Mike Coppola/Jon Kopaloff/Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images

Since the movie is just now in development, we don't have an official Verity cast list yet. But considering It Ends With Us is starring beloved actors like Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni, and Jenny Slate, I'm confident the cast of Verity will feature some incredible names.

Popular fancasts for Verity include You's Victoria Pedretti or The White Lotus' Alexandra Diddario as Lowen, Rosamund Pike or Margot Robbie as Verity, and Shia LaBeouf or Theo James as Jeremy. Without a doubt, the cast of Verity needs to be warm and welcoming at first glance, but also have an unexpected edge that reveals itself as we move through the story.

One Reddit user points out that the characters need to offer "just toxicity but also feigned innocence," and each of these actors do exactly that, which makes them incredible picks for the movie. If Blake wasn't already in It Ends With Us, I know she'd do a great job because she proved her thriller acting chops in A Simple Favor!

When did Verity come out?

Image via Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Colleen Hoover self-published Verity in 2018, and in 2021, the book was acquired by Grand Central Publishing. It sold more than one million copies in 2023, and has more than 340 thousand Amazon ratings and over two million Goodreads ratings. Talk about a hit!

What movie is similar to the book Verity?

Image via Lionsgate

If you love thriller books like Verity, then I'd recommend checking out other relationship-centric thrillers like Gone Girl, Rebecca, and A Simple Favor. For period drama fans, I cannot recommend Will Poulter and Lucy Boynton's Why Didn't They Ask Evans enough!

Follow us on TikTok and YouTube for the latest entertainment updates, and check back here for new info on Verity & Colleen Hoover's other books!

Lead image via Amazon.

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Your Perfect Pair Of New Balance Sneakers, Based On Your Vibes

Personal style is personal for a reason. Whatever you wear is a complete reflection of who you are, and this is especially true for what shoes you slip into every day. Everyone’s got their go-to sandals, but sneakers are an entirely different game, I tell ya.

If your fave footwear brand is New Balance and you just so happen to be in the market for some squeaky-clean sneaks, I’ve basically done all the research for you to help you find your perfect pair. This list of the most popular New Balance sneakers details not only each style’s practicality, but their personality, too.

Ahead, find your perfect New Balance sneakers – based on your vibes!

New Balance 9060: The ‘Fit Flexer

If you just can’t resist dressing to the nines every single day, the New Balance 9060s will fit right into your fashionista flair.

These “proudly futuristic” New Balance sneakers deliver on Y2K aesthetics beyond compare. The wider base is reminiscent of Nike Shox – very tech-y and otherworldly. The upper part is made from mesh and suede, supplying a super elevated vibe.

The white and cream white coloration is so easy to pair with most every ‘fit. They’ll match with cargo pants, vintage jeans, or even mini skirts and denim shorts.

Reviewers of the New Balance 9060 are glad they invested in this $150 shoe because it's so versatile.

One reviewer toted the 9060’s for fitting into “all aspects” of their lifestyle. Another said that the arch supports “unreal,” so though they’re more fashion-forward than other New Balance kicks, they’re still uber-comfortable for a range of activities.

New Balance 990: The Thrift Shopper

The New Balance 990s are straight-up dad sneakers to the core, so if you gravitate towards the thrift store (or all things vintage-y), you’ll find that they go swimmingly with most outfits and will stand up to long thrift trips.

While they were originally manufactured for running (and they still are), the 990s scream streetwear to me. They appear more elevated than your average athletic running shoe, thanks to the smooth pigskin and fine mesh.

The inside is fitted with a bouncy FuelCell midsole cushioning, and the shoe is available in 4 different widths. The range!

The New Balance 990s are very similar to the New Balance 993s, which is less performance-based.

New Balance 574 Core: The Weekend Warrior

Whether you're hitting the club or the farmer’s market on the weekends, you want to be comfortable (I mean, who doesn't?). The New Balance 574 Cores are made for the weekend warriors.

New Balance describes this signature shoe as “uncomplicated, rugged, durable, and comfortable.”

Though the 574s are pretty basic, they’re earned themselves icon status. You’re sure to see at least one pair when you go out.

The outer layer is made from suede and mesh materials dotted with 100% recycled polyester details.

New Balance 550: The Sneakerhead

These New Balance sneakers aren’t just black and white. They’re “sea salt” with “gray matter” and “magnet.” So yeah, if you consider yourself overly particular about your sneakers, the New Balance 550s are the shoe for you.

These were revived from the late 80’s and early 90’s then re-released full-time in 2021, and they’ve been a modern fan-favorite ever since.

The flatter soles on these sneaks mean they’re not as practical for running or walking long distances, but since they have a history with basketball, you might be able to rock ‘em on the court. More than anything, they definitely give basketball vibes, which is perfect for any streetwear ensemble.

The mixed materials and chunky approach to the classic New Balance logo give these an unmistakable air.

According to New Balance, these best fit people with an average arch height. The thick sole and cushy ankle padding work the hardest to support your feet, rather than an arched insole.

New Balance 530: The Gym-Goer

The New Balance 530s are giving Erewhon baddie. They’re giving I drink smoothies for breakfast. They’re giving I live and breathe pilates.

The stark white colorway of these sneakers reminds me of the clean girl aesthetic, and they’re so pretty, you may have a hard time getting them dirty.

Though very stylish on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts with the New Balance 530s. They’re fitted with an ample midsole section that cushions and compresses your step.

New Balance Fresh Foam: The 10K Steps A Day-er

For the more athletic among us (hello, hot girl walks!), the New Balance Fresh Foam sneakers are the way to go. They’re designed especially for walking and running, so you can count on them to be comfy.

They have an extra-soft cushioning for a cozy step, and every aspect of the footbed is intended to stabilize the foot.

This shoe especially supports walkers or runners with the tendency to step heel first, a bonus co-signed by the American Podiatric Medical Association – this pair received their Seal of Acceptance.

The upper part of the shoe is made of mesh, so it’s highly breathable, even on hot days. They’re great for high arches, too!

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Images via New Balance.
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