How to Deal When Your Ex Gets Engaged (and It’s All Over the Internet)

“As I went through a very long journey of finding I did have a mental health diagnosis — and then I was misdiagnosed and then I had to go through that — I was blessed to have the resources to do that,” Teefey, who received an ADHD and trauma diagnosis after a 20-year bipolar misdiagnosis, says. “Whenever I started my journey of discovering what mental condition I had…I didn't have anybody to lean into or explain the way I was feeling.”

While these personal experiences helped Teefey better understand mental health, it wasn’t until she produced Netflix’s 2017 series 13 Reasons Whythat she saw just how far the mental health conversation goes. The hit show went viral almost as soon as it aired because of its realistic depiction of mental health and all the aftershocks of trauma.

“After we did 13 Reasons Why and saw the reaction and the need for that support, me and Selena were trying to really figure out what could be next,” Teefey says. “Everybody was releasing things [at] different times. It's like you have to have 12 apps to have a program, and then remember to use them all. So that's when we decided to create a mental fitness ecosystem. So it's all-encompassing, but there's something for everyone.”

“We're not a medicinal company [but] we do have an advisory committee that oversees everything that we do,” Teefey continues. “We're technically not doctors, but we are for everyone when it comes to feelings. Everybody has feelings and they can go to our content hub and just kind of explore that for a while.”

Admittedly, that exploration bit is pretty fun. The articles are inspiring, and the worksheets (which are each created by an expert) are incredibly helpful. Seeing every program, article, and podcast episode feels like an opportunity to start fresh, but once you have all the ideas in front of you, what do you actually do? Teefey recommends journaling, even if it’s just a sentence every day. (She also loves watching journaling videos from Planning Annie: “Anytime I'm feeling sad or like a little unmotivated, I put her on.”)

Journaling every day, even if your entries are short, allows you to track your mood over an extended period of time. If you notice a consistent sadness, for example, it could be a sign it’s time to check in with your doctor. Plus, journaling can help prepare you for the conversations mental health appointments bring up.

“Sometimes if you go into a therapy session and you're not really settled or concrete in who you are and what may be going on, you might go through what I went through, which is being misdiagnosed,” Teefey says. “It's more important for you to know who you are and what you need prior to going in. So you can give that to them instead of them guessing and working around that process with you.”

Establishing a consistent routine can help decrease your stress, whether you’re eating the same breakfast every day, or you stick to a tried and true skincare regimen like Sydney Sweeney’s Cassie does on Euphoria. I immediately thought of this teen drama when Mandy Teefey mentioned how important her 4 a.m. routine is. But while Cassie spends time doing her skincare and makeup, Teefey spends time nurturing her soul.

“If I don't have [that routine], I'm usually really off kilter,” she says. “So I get up at 4 when everyone's still asleep, and I found that time could be about me, and I'm not taking it away from anybody. And so that's really what helped me be more grounded throughout the day.”

I can attest that my own quiet time in the morning is vital for a successful day — as is knowing what my boundaries need to be. Because honestly, boundaries can change daily! Teefey and I both acknowledge we have to stay away from sad music to protect our mental health, and she also recommends staying off social media when you feel your mental health struggling.

“I can go three days without looking at social media and then when I go on there, I start having anxiety because I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh, I haven't liked this person. I haven't even liked our own pictures [for] Wondermind.’ And then I start feeling guilty,” she says. “There's just some kind of [expectation] to do social media and you really don't. Not everybody needs to know everything, you know? There's beauty in privacy.”

Even Selena Gomez admitted at the 2024 Time100 Summit that taking time off Instagram "was the most rewarding gift I gave myself."

The idea of staying off social media is way easier said than done (speaking from first hand experience here). If you feel like you’re drowning in engagement announcements, anxiety-inducing news, and FOMO, Teefey recommends keeping tabs on your reactions to gauge when it’s time to take a serious break.

“If it invokes any emotion that is a negative emotion, I [know] it's not worth being angry about, it's not worth losing sleep about,” she says. “It just feels like there's an unintentional taunting on social media and, ‘Wait a minute, is that about me?’ You don't know this person and then you start running with all this stuff in your mind.”

Like every area of life, social media is all about balance, and if you’re looking to unplug while still staying informed, Mandy Teefey recommends bringing a journal with you when doing your morning news scroll — that way, you can process emotions while keeping tabs on what’s happening. “If anything evokes emotion, I'm meditating during the quiet time,” she says.

Studies have found journaling can help decrease your anxiety, and that it can help you break obsessive thought cycles. And while you’re the only one who can process your thoughts and emotions, it’s important not to isolate yourself from your community — especially when you’re struggling. “You gotta build trust and you gotta build the boundary of who you volunteer [your] help to,” she says.

When it comes to her own daughters, Mandy Teefey knows it’s a process. “You have to work with them and meet them where they're at, and then see the help they need and don't assume [they’re going through] what you went through,” she says. “You've got to really understand them to be able to give that advice.”

In her own life, Mandy Teefey got to experience building that trust first-hand with Selena Gomez! “One time it was very, very cold in California and me and Selena were on the opposite sides of the pool,” she says. “We were in sweats and she says, ‘Do you trust me?’ And I went, ‘Yeah.’ And she goes ‘Okay, if you trust me, on three, we're gonna jump in this ice cold pool.’”

While Teefey wasn’t convinced, she trusted Gomez, and they both ended up in the freezing cold water! Which is both a funny story and a fond memory: “We couldn't get out of the pool because [our clothes were] so heavy. It was madness!”

“There's a lot of things I know my daughters don't tell me and that's their right,” she continues. “It's so sensitive between teenagers — especially teenagers — and their parents. They're going through that phase and they don't want to be around them and they don't wanna tell them things. It's definitely not easy but maybe put some feelers out there and just make sure that they know you're there and make it okay to have these conversations.”

Thanks to all this actionable advice, we know that Mental Health Awareness month isn’t limited to TikTok videos or Instagram posts we can reshare. There are real tips we can use to take care of ourselves — and a place to go when we need a boost.

Watch Our Full Interview With Mandy Teefey Here!

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

Watch the Full Interview with Amanda Montell:

Bridgerton season 3 (whose first part dropped today!) focuses on Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton (whose ship name is "Polin," meaning you can always use the bee emoji when texting your friends about the show). Check out our Bridgerton season 4 post for more news, and our interview with Claudia Jessie, Jessica Madsen, and Hannah Dodd here!

Part one of Bridgerton season 3 drops on Netflix May 16, and stars Luke Newton, Nicola Caughlin, Claudia Jessie, Luke Thompson, Ruth Gemmell, Florence Hunt, Will Tilston, Simone Ashley, and Jonathan Bailey.

The Acolyte — On Disney+ June 4, 2024

After hit series like Andor and Ahsoka, this summer TV show focuses on a Jedi Master, who has to stand against a warrior from the past after an unexpected crime spree rocks the galaxy.

The Acolyte premieres on Disney+ June 4 and stars Amandla Stenberg, Lee Jung-jae, Manny Jacinto, Dafne Keen, Charlie Barnett, Jodie Turner-Smith, Rebecca Henderson, Dean-Charles Chapman, Joonas Suotamo, and Carrie-Anne Moss.

If you loved the complex storytelling in Game of Thrones and you loved the vibe of Damsel, then you won't want to miss House of the Dragon season 2. It'll have just as much intrigue as the first season, and (hopefully) lots and lots of dragons ;).

House of the Dragon season 2 drops on Max June 16. The show stars Olivia Cooke, Emma D’Arcy, Matt Smith, Eve Best, Steve Toussaint, Fabien Frankel, Ewan Mitchell, Sonoya Mizuno, Harry Collett, Rhys Ifans, Bethany Antonia, Tom Glynn-Carney, Phoebe Campbell, Phia Saban, Jefferson Hall, and Matthew Needham.

Orphan Black: Echoes — On AMC June 23, 2024

Any summer TV show that centers a group of women gets a stamp of approval from me, and this one is all about how complicated, engaging, and scary life can be. The storylines weave in and out of one another, and it touches on themes like identity, which I love.

Orphan Black: Echoes hits AMC June 23 and stars Krystin Ritter, Keeley Hawes, Amanda Fix, Avan Jogia, Rya Kihlstedt, and James Hiroyuki Liao.

​Land of Women — On Apple TV+ June 26, 2024

In this new TV show, when a New Yorker learns about her husband's financial scandal, she trades the chaos of midtown for a small Spanish town with her mom and teen daughter. In addition to being a heartwarming story about family, this is going to give you the travel bug!!

While I have a ton of questions about The Bear season 3, there is one thing we know for sure: Will Poulter is coming back. (And honestly thank goodness). Once you've read up on everything you need to know about the new season, check out the latest tea about season 4!

The Bear season 3 is coming to FX June 27. We'll see Jeremy Allen White, Ayo Edebiri, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Lionel Boyce, Liza Colón-Zayas, Abby Elliott, and Matty Matheson.

Cobra Kai Season 6 — Coming To Netflix July 18, 2024

First there was The Karate Kid, then there was The Karate Kid (this time with Jaden Smith), then we got Kickin' It. The latest in the lineup of karate-focused entertainment is coming to a close this season. You won't want to miss this first part of the emotional goodbye!

The first part of Cobra Kai season 6 hits Netflix July 18 and stars Ralph Macchio, William Zabka, Martin Kove, Xolo Maridueña, Jacob Bertrand, Mary Mouser, Tanner Buchanan, Peyton List, Gianni DeCenzo, Courtney Henggeler, Vanessa Rubio, Dallas Dupree Young, Yuji Okumoto, Alicia Hannah-Kim, Griffin Santopietro, and Oona O'Brien.

The Summer Olympics — On NBC Friday July 26, 2024

Drop everything because the Summer Olympics are the event of the year!! I love watching the gymnastics and the swimming, but I also can't wait to see the rest of the athletes do incredible. Check out our Fruity Olympic Torch Desserts for snack inspiration!

Emily in Paris season 4 is trading Paris for Italy (as if we needed any MORE of a comparison between Lily Collins and Audrey Hepburn, she's going on a Roman holiday!) TBH, above all, I just hope Emily and Gabriel FINALLY get together!

Emily in Paris season 4 is coming to Netflix August 15 and will star Lily Collins, Lucas Bravo, Ashley Park, Camille Razat, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu, Samuel Arnold, and Bruno Gouery.

In a totally unexpected turn of events, Only Murders in the Building season 4 won't be in the building at all — it won't even be in New York! Our favorite trio is traveling to Hollywood to meet a producer who's interested in turning the podcast into a film. Now THAT's a movie ticket I'd buy.

Only Murders in the Building season 4 is coming to Hulu August 27 and stars Selena Gomez, Martin Short, Steve Martin, Meryl Streep, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Kumail Nanjiani, and Molly Shannon.