How to Get Over a Holiday Breakup

1. Is Our Relationship Moving at the "Right" Pace?

“After moving in together, many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship," licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says. “Each partner may experience uncertainty about their own or their partner's timing and may suffer if they relate their partner's faster pace to being pushed or their partner's slower pace to feeling unappreciated or undervalued." Once you're sharing a space with your S.O. 24/7, you may be more sensitive than ever to the fact that you're not on the same page about things like engagement, in-laws, children, and more. If you're experiencing doubt about how — and how quickly — your relationship is moving forward, start talking about it with bae ASAP. See if you can recalibrate your expectations and open up communication.

2. How Should We Be Handling Our Finances?

There are plenty of romantic elements about moving in with a partner, but money is also at play… and that's not so romantic. If you and your significant other didn't have an extensive conversation about finances before the move-in actually happened, you may be finding that your new roomie has financial habits that make you feel uncomfortable now that you're sharing bills. Certified mental health professional and relationship expert from Maple Holistics Adina Mahalli suggests seeking outside help when possible for this kind of issue. Sign up for a financial management class together to help put those doubts at ease. If that's not doable for you, try setting up a very clear budget so you can get back on the same page.

3. Can I Handle These Quirks Full-Time?

In the glow of a new relationship, your sweetie's idiosyncrasies may seem more cute than annoying. But when you're dealing with them front and center, day in and day out? Maybe not so much. “Once you move in together, your rose-colored glasses start to wear off and seemingly endearing traits become more irritating and harder to overlook," DatingScout dating expert Celia Schweyer notes. “Living together means you have to experience real life with your partner." Navigating those real-life annoyances while keeping your relationship strong requires communication and compromise, Schweyer says. Speak up (respectfully) about the habits that bother you, and come to the table with suggestions that will allow you and your partner to live in harmony without changing who you are. It's better than bottling up your frustration and becoming resentful.

4. What if We Start To Feel Like Roommates?

If, after living together for a while, you and your S.O. start to feel less like romantic partners and more like, well, roomies, don't panic. It happens. But it may create some doubt. Matchmaker, relationship expert, and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon tells us that roommate syndrome can be solved by putting in some serious mutual work. Both of you will need to step up your game, communicate, and figure out how to get the dynamic back on track.

5. What If My Partner Starts to Hate My Quirks?

Just as you might suddenly doubt your relationship because your significant other's quirks are on display full-time, you may start to get insecure about how they perceive your quirks. “You will become more relaxed in your own home and less willing or able to keep up a show," marriage coach and relationship expertLesli Doares says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can come as a surprise." Be open-minded about hearing your partner's feedback and don't shy away from trying to improve on some of the habits that cause issues.

Problematic Message: Love is the most exciting when it’s forbidden.

Even if you haven’t seen the romantic comedy, you’ve definitely seen the GIFs: Andrew Lincoln, playing Mark, professing his love for Keira Knightley’s character through handwritten signs, one of which reads the famous line, “To me, you are perfect.” Yes, it’s ultra-romantic — until you look a little closer. “Although we all love an honest display of love, making a play and expressing your love for your best friend’s wife is not a good start for a relationship, on or off screen,” Tcharkhoutian says.

And the most harmful part of these fictional narratives is that they only show a fraction, if any, of the fallout. “This is a toxic dynamic that devalues the dignity of marriage and romanticizes the idea of being in love with someone who is ‘off-limits,’ without portraying the harsh realities of this kind of basis for a relationship,” Tcharkhoutian explains.

Problematic Message: A relationship that began with ulterior motives can become healthy and functional.

There’s no denying that Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a dreamy pair, but in this movie, their relationship is a nightmare. Their quick rise to love is certainly entertaining, but the foundation of their relationship makes it impossible to exist outside of fiction.

The two meet as means to prove themselves at their respective jobs, and in true rom-com fashion, their supposedly real feelings take off from there. Tcharkhoutian cautions against this behavior in real life. “This can set up a relationship to be something in which a person is objectified as a vehicle to help you meet your needs, instead of a mutual union and partnership with pure and honest motives of loving each other through thick and thin,” she says.

Lucy and Jack in "While You Were Sleeping"

Problematic Message: Falling in love with the idea of someone can result in a happy ending.

No one can resist a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, so it’s no surprise this movie is still revered as a classic of the genre. It has all the necessary components: an unrealistic plot (she saves a man’s life, is confused for his fiancée by his family, and then falls in love with his brother while he’s in a coma — like, come on!), a handsome boy-next-door lead and, of course, love. However, much like the relationship in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the foundation is faulty.

Falling in love with the idea of someone, as Sandra Bullock’s character does, doesn’t equate to falling in love with the actual person, Tcharkhoutian clarifies, and to start a relationship with this basis in real life is ill-advised.

Problematic Message: True love lies in the next adventure, which is far from your hometown and your past relationship.

Who hasn’t dreamt of traveling to a foreign country; staying in a cozy, remote cottage; and falling in love with someone even half as good-looking as Jude Law? Well, there’s a reason it’s a mere fantasy. Tcharkhoutian describes the phenomenon in The Holiday movie as escapism — the idea that you need to escape from your day-to-day life to find true happiness or, in this case, true love.

Although it’s fun to dream, if taken too far, this particular romantic comedy mentality can lead to irrational expectations. “This escapism mentality can create a false belief that international [relationships] are sustainable in the long-term,” Tcharkhoutian remarks. “True healthy relationships survive and thrive in the everyday, mundane routine, not in the exciting international adventure that depends on thrill and distance.”

Which rom-com couples stay together?

However, there are PLENTY of romantic comedy relationships we love! Some of our favorites include Nick and Rachel in Crazy Rich Asians, Matty and Jenna in 13 Going on 30, Harry and Sally in Meg Ryan's When Harry Met Sally, Elle and Emmett in Legally Blonde, and Peter and Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

A Full Timeline Of Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes' Relationship

August 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Meet During The Place Beyond The Pines

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes took a chance at romance after they played a couple in 2011's The Place Beyond The Pines. Once they were linked, they were seen walking around Disneyland "like a dating couple, [walking] very closely, holding hands and their arms touching side-by-side," according to a PEOPLE eyewitness.

November + December 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Spend The Holidays Together

During Thanksgiving in 2011, Eva Mendes was filming Holly Motors in Paris, so Ryan Gosling took a trip to the City of Lights so they could spend the holiday together. They also ended up going on Funny or Die's Drunk History Christmas the next month to reenact a 21+ version of The Night Before Christmas *and* spent New Year's together!

September 7, 2012 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Attend The Toronto International Film Festival Together

To promote The Place Beyond the Pines, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes spent a lot of time together on the TIFF red carpet. Years later in 2019, when Kelly Clarkson pulled up the picture, Eva couldn't help but gush over Ryan — especially since they hadn't announced they were dating at the time. “Oh my God, that’s so old," she says of the photo. "That’s literally me going, ‘I’m not in love with him. What? I’m not in love.’ ‘Cause we were trying to be very professional."

May 2014 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Work Together On Lost River

Ryan and Eva reunited on a film set again for Lost River, which was both Ryan's directorial debut and served as a semi-autobiographical story for him. "For me, it was crucial to work in this intimate, low-budget, small way, with people I had worked with before, because I feel like in my experience that’s where everyone was at their best," Ryan tells Sunday Style (via Mangalorean). "They know what is at stake for you personally, and all the work that’s gone into getting there."

Eva also told her Instagram followers in a since-deleted postthat Lost River is the project she's most proud of. "There was one film I'm extra proud to be a part of," she said. "A dark fairy tale. A magical fantasy. To all the struggling single mothers, to all of us in cities that feel like they're burning down or flooding around us, to everyone fighting for the ones they love, this was a good one."

September 12, 2014 — Eva Mendes Gives Birth To Their First Child

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes welcomed Esmerelda Amada Gosling into the world in September of 2014. Eva later said that she didn't even want kids until she got together with Ryan. "I was lucky enough to work my bum off for 20 years," she tells Nova 96.9's Fitzy & Wippa (via PEOPLE). "I never wanted babies before until I fell in love with Ryan, and it kind of worked out to where I was 40 and having my first baby. I think I was 42 for the second one, so it worked out in that way that I had a career and then I change my focus to my family."

Ryan also went on to tell GQ in 2023 that he was in a similar place before meeting Eva. "I wasn’t thinking about kids before I met her, but after I met Eva, I realized that I just didn’t want to have kids without her," he says. "And there were moments on The Place Beyond the Pines where we were pretending to be a family, and I didn’t really want it to be pretend anymore." I could cry!!

December 7, 2015 — Ryan Gosling Gives A Rare Interview About His Relationship

While Ryan and Eva have kept their relationship very private, he told Hello! that "I know that I'm with the person I'm supposed to be with" and that literally the only quality he looks for in a woman is "That she's Eva Mendes. There's nothing else I'm looking for." Swoon!

April 29, 2016 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Have Their Second Child

Eva Mendes gave birth to her and Ryan's second baby, a daughter named Amada Lee Gosling, in April 2016 — after keeping the pregnancy a secret until it was almost time to deliver! Amada is named after Eva's grandma.

January 8, 2017 — Ryan Gosling Dedicates His La La Land Golden Globe To Eva Mendes' Brother

While accepting his Golden Globe for Best Performance in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy, Ryan Gosling made sure to let the world know just how much of a role Eva had played in the process. “I would like to try and thank one person properly, and say that while I was singing and dancing and playing piano,” he says in his speech, “my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother with his battle with cancer.”

Eva's brother, Juan Carlos Mendes, had passed away the previous April and Ryan took the opportunity to dedicate the award to him.

February 12, 2020 — Eva Mendes Reveals Ryan Gosling Is A Great Cook

When an Instagram account asked what Eva and Ryan liked to cook, Eva revealed just how amazing Ryan is with food. "Ryan is an amazing chef AND baker," she says in her reply. "For reals. Incredible. No joke. I'm not sure that what I do is cooking. It's more like steaming veggies and juicing and making rice. He really cooks. I survive." Can I get Ryan Gosling to make me a meal sometime?

January 1, 2022 — Ryan Gosling Shares About Their Quarantine Life

“Time, in general, is something I think about a lot now. My kids are growing up so fast I need to keep an eye on the clock in a way I never used to,” Ryan Gosling tells GQ. “I feel like I need more time to process [how much the pandemic played into that]. But [Eva and I] have two kids, so we spend a lot of our time trying to keep them entertained.”

While they enjoyed their time together, Ryan's also candid about the effect of lockdown on their children: “Our kids were at a difficult age not to be able to see other kids and interact with people, even though Eva and I did our best.”

June 2022 — Eva Mendes Embraces The Kenergy

When the world went crazy for every bit of Barbie news, so did Eva Mendes. "So. F. Funny," she says in an Instagram caption sharing the first look at Ryan Gosling's Ken. "So. F. Good. So F excited for you to see this…#Thatsmyken."

"It's a funny photo and he's trying to be funny, so it worked on all levels," she goes on to say on The Talk. "But when I saw it, when he sent it to me from work, I was like, 'Can I please have that underwear? Please, I never ask for anything'...So, anyway, I do have it. I'm wearing it right now."

November 2022 — Eva Mendes Begins Dropping Hints She Married Ryan Gosling

When Eva showed off a new tattoo on her wrist in November of 2022 on Instagram, fans immediately began dissecting its meaning. The tattoo, which reads "de Gosling" (which is similar to Mrs. Gosling) could mean that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are actually married! She went on to tell Today in Australia (via DailyMail) that "Everyone is so welcoming here and my husband Ryan is here, and we are having the best time." 👀

August 9, 2023 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Love Family Time

In the midst of crazy release schedules and commitments (not to mention the actors' strike), Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes always prioritize their family life. "When they are not working, they are all about their girls," a source tells People. "Ryan is such a fun dad. He is goofy and his girls love it." The source continues by saying the family loves to go to the beach or the desert (same TBH).

December 18, 2023 — Eva Mendes Can't Wait For The "I'm Just Ken" Christmas Remix

If the original version of "I'm Just Ken" wasn't good enough, Ryan Gosling is blessing us with a Christmas remix — and Eva Mendes is just as excited as we are. "Ken not wait for this," she says in an Instagram caption.

January 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Mentions His Family During His Acceptance Speech

At the 2024 Santa Barbra International Film Festival, Ryan Gosling won the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence in Film — and he totally deserves it! With a career that includes iconic films like La La Land and Barbie, as well as The Notebook, Blade Runner 2049, and Crazy Stupid Love, all kinds of film lovers have gotten to see Ryan's work onscreen. During his acceptance speech, Ryan got choked up talking about how acting allowed him to meet "the girl of [his] dreams."

"I dreamed of one day making movies and now movies have made my life a dream," he says in his speech. "So the way I see it, there's no way I have contributed half as much to cinema as cinema's contributed to me."

January 24, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscar Nomination

After the Oscar nominations were announced January 23, Eva Mendes took to Instagram to celebrate Ryan Gosling's nomination for Best Supporting Actor. "So proud of my man. So much hate when he took on this role," she says alongside screenshots of the first (very negative) reviews of his casting. "So many people trying to shame him for doing it. Despite all the #Notmyken ridicule and articles written about him, he created this completely original, hilarious, heartbreaking, now iconic character and took it all the way to Oscars. So beyond proud to be this Ken’s Barbie."

February 22, 2014 - Eva Mendes Announces Upcoming Children's Book

Yesterday Eva Mendes shared with People that she's penned a children's book named Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries that'll debut September 17. It's all about a little girl who's always worried that her scary brain is the real monster she's afraid of at night. Through gentle reminders, Desi's mom helps her understand that being afraid is normal and teaches her how not to let scary thoughts control her.

Eva Mendes told People the books is like "a love letter to my kids and yours" because "...Learning how to train our brain to work for us and not against us is easier said than done!" Since we know racing thoughts doesn't just affect adults, we love that Eva is finding a way to share some of her parenting tips with other parents.

Pre-Order Eva Mendes' Children's Book:

Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worriesby Eva Mendes

March 10, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscars Performance

Eva Mendes celebrated the Oscars on March 10 with a post highlighting Ryan Gosling's performance, and his entire run as Ken! "You took Ken all the way to the Oscar’s, RG," she says on Instagram. "Now come home, we need to put the kids to bed."

We love the way this couple can have fun with each other — and highlight how much teamwork parenthood requires!

March 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Details How Eva Mendes And Their Daughters Helped Him Prepare For His Oscars Performance

Leave it to Ryan Gosling not to take credit for his amazing Oscars performance. He gushed to People about how Eva Mendes and their daughters helped him make sure his Kenergy truly shined bright. "They are such a huge part of this for me...it was my girl's interest in Barbie and disinterest in Ken that got me into this in the first place. It was beautiful to have them there at the end," he said.

As we all saw, the unmistakable Kenergy was in full force and effect during the Oscars.

March 26, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says It Was A "No Brainer" To Stay Home With Her Kids

Deciding how to maintain a work-home balance when you have kids is something every parent thinks about, and it turns out that extends to celebs, too! After starring with Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond The Pines, Eva Mendes decided it was a "no brainer" to stay home with their family since acting can take you all over the world, which the actress revealed in a recent episode of The Today Show. “It was almost just like a non-verbal agreement that it was like, ‘Ok, he’s going to work and I’m going to work, I’m just going to work here,'” she says. She also says she's “so lucky” to “have this time with [their] children.”

“I have never experienced anything like [working with Ryan Gosling]. The way he works, his commitment to his craft, how he wants to make everything as best as it can be, and that means making his co-stars as best as they can be,” she continues. “But unfortunately — or fortunately — there is only one Ryan!"

April 1, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says Her Daughters Make Everything Better

After losing her brother in 2016, Eva Mendes says she has a "complicated relationship" with the month of April — but that her daughters make it infinitely more bearable. "[April 2] would have been my brother’s birthday," she says on Instagram. "In a couple of weeks from now is the day we lost him…but then, the end of April we got the biggest blessing of all, my little girl was born 8 years ago. I hate you April. But I love you more."

April 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Hosts SNL

During his latest stint hosting SNL, Ryan Gosling did a hilarious sketch about a man who picks up a Cuban accent after getting married to a Cuban woman. Eva Mendes was all over it! "Coño! My Cuban Papi made this Cuban Mami so happy with this!!" Eva wrote on Instagram. "Years of hanging out with my Dad paid off."

May 1, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Is The Ultimate Support System For Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes is not here for the mom-shamers. She told People (in honor of its 2024 Beautiful Issue) that staying home to focus on Ryan Gosling and her kids was the "easiest decision I've ever made" because she wanted to be there for their formative childhood years.

"When I was 40, it was a big deal for people when I was pregnant, and it wasn't for me," she says. "And then I was 42 and I was pregnant with my second one and people were like, 'Oh my God, you're going to be so tired. That's why people have kids in their 20s.' I was like, that's the most sorry, asinine thing I've ever heard."

"[Ryan supports me] in all the ways I need to be supported," she continues. "He's got me in all the ways."